Clunkline

An Open Letter to the Parent of a Former Customer

Feb. 8, 2010, 12:36 by weekendsquire

Dear Foul Wretched Spawn of Society,
I am truly sorry your precious snowflake did her absolute damnedest to be removed twice from our store by stealing, moving her lips and producing such a great wind as to knock over merchandise, and then refusing to place it back where it belongs, which I see you’ve taught her well.

Read the full article →

Sir Richard's Penis Enhancing Mechanism

Feb. 7, 2010, 21:54 by Hedge

Dear Sir Richard,
In response to your overly enthusiastic letter detailing your invention, and with the aid of several of the local youth we found wandering our grounds, we have completed several prototypes of your proposed design. We have begun the lab testing procedure, and are almost ready to release these into the market. There are, however, a few design choices I think you should reconsider.

Read the full article →

Dear Mr. Mottola,

Feb. 6, 2010, 4:59 by Tanzmetall

You call yourself a director, but I call you a FOOL. Yes, sir, a fool of the first degree! And in this case, “first” is worse than “third”: it’s like murder, not burns. Which brings up the question: if I burn you to death, what degree would the fire be?

Read the full article →

Funny Little Cult

Feb. 2, 2010, 21:04 by weekendsquire

This town I happen to be stuck in for a year has one odd ritual. Every February second a spell is cast over the town and all those who come in contact with it. This spell is sometimes strong enough to drag the weak of mind out of their beds at two o’clock in the morning and stand in the cold while cult leaders, wearing black suits and top hats, dance around a fiberglass log.

Read the full article →