Here is the third episode of our favorite duo of science, Bonzo and Bonkers. This time around, Bonzo is testing his latest invention, the ion cannon.
WARNING: Is extremely stupid. Prepare to find yourself smacking your head off your monitor.
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Yesterday was a fast news day in politics. Barack Obama had been busy, making stirring speeches, kissing babies, and symbolizing hope, happiness, and unconditional love. Mike Doyle of CNN woke up late, called off work, and logged on to MSNBC to see a plethora of stories about America’s favorite Hussein. “That’s odd,” Doyle thought. “These are all stories with a positive spin. And there’s a disproportionate amount of them for how many supporters he has.” Doyle then read through MSNBC’s entire Politics page with only a ten-minute break to Google Image Search “throatfuck”. “Huh,” he said, clicking back to his first tab. “I think there’s a story here.”
I really don’t think so… Phenomena has a singular form! It’s “phenomenon”! There are lots of things on the intertube… many of these things are for sale. Google Ads can help you find the things you want, and even if you don’t want it, Google Ads will find it anyway and put it in a nice little frame with the mysterious term “aff” sprinkled in the blurbs.
As all of us know, the holiday season is a time for stress and violence. Going in for that perfect gift requires a sharp wit, the willingness to do harm, and shoddy, Batman-inspired weaponry. That’s why for Secret Santa this year, I opted to get (read: drunkenly stumbled upon) the perfect gift: a bat-a-rang. Some of you may remember Batman’s all-purpose throwing-dealy in the shape of a bat, others may be Canadian. In any event, an internet Boolean search for ‘generic novelty gift + super hero – gay porn’ yielded that admirable result. I quickly ordered my bat-a-rang from Blade Empire. With over twelve years in the business, surely they could suit my novelty weapon needs. But three days after ordering, this was what I received: Your order is cancelled. We can’t ship to someone else’s house.
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Last week, in a decision that surprised pundits and strategists alike, Hillary Clinton decided to distinguish herself from Barack Obama by accepting Jack Kevorkian’s endorsement. “My rival, naïve as he is, has stuck to his rhetoric of hope,” she said to supporters on Wednesday. “So from now on, to make our differences more clear, I will stand for all that is VILE and PUTRID!” She went on to point out that this was not a significant departure in politics, just in presentation. “I have decided not to represent you voters, but PURE EVIL!” she declared, cackling eerily for several minutes until her microphone was cut off.
To see the first of the comics Harg left me, go to this crate in his attic.
Harg Barg Burg was a good friend of mine who got in a race with concrete. The good news is, he was moving way faster, but the bad news is, he rear-ended the concrete. And by rear-ended, I mean fell on and busted open his skull, but that strays away from my pretty little metaphor.
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