A Comparative Character Study

Ok, class, let’s compare and contrast two characters on modern television. Sound like fun? Yaaaaay!

Name	Kaylee	Cally
Show	Firefly, a 2002 naturalistic scifi show about a ship on the run.	Battlestar Galactica, a 2003 naturalistic scifi show about fifty ships on the run.

Job Title	Mechanic.	Specialist (High-Falutin’ Mechanic).
	What she does on Serenity: Keeps the ship’s outdated engine and parts working smoothly, with occasional major disasters.	What she does on Galactica: Keeps the ship’s fighters’ outdated engines and parts working, with frequent major disasters.
Attractiveness	Cute as a button.	Cute as … velcro?
Can she shoot a gun to save her life?	No.	No.
Does she have a major crush on a shipmate that she keeps quiet due to that shipmate’s preoccupation with somebody else?	Yes.	Yes. (Catching the pattern here?)
Which one got the looker?		How dreamy!

P.S. Cally, the poor gal, has fallen for a call boy. Tyrol is apparently a ho and you can buy his services.

So, is it true? Is Cally Kaylee’s sister from another mister? Let’s continue to compare them.

Aaaaand, their actresses.

Name	Jewel Staite	Nicki Clyne
Did their parents understand vowels?	No.	No.
Height	5′ 5 1/2″	5’6″
Born	1982	1983
Are they known for basically just that one role?	Yes.	Yes.
How many awards have they won?	Exactly one.	EIGHT! …OOH TRICKED YOU, IT WAS ONE.
Are both the actresses Canadian?	Do you even need to ask? They’re even both from British Columbia. According to Google Maps, they lived a half hour’s drive apart.	They went to school seven miles apart. …Oh, and the actor who played Cally’s love interest was also from British Columbia.
Whose blog is more boring?	MINE!	< --- That bitch's
Yes, but what if you want glamour shots and not discussions of corn muffins?	Hers is much more boring then! Many men masturbate to me. Hell, even I masturbate to me. Speaking of which, here’s a picture of that.	SHUT UP YOU SLUT!!I HAVE A GOOD SELF-IMAEG!!! chief if you can read this ill be in my quarters having a threesome with ben and jerry
Tanzmetall, did you stalk them for this article?	No, of course not.	I never.
Yes, but did you stalk them? Just in general.	I did in fact stalk Kaylee with a camera and a bucket of engine grease.	I also stalked her, but I changed my pants first. By which I mean, I took them off and ran after her with them coiled around my ankles.

If there’s one thing I learned through this article, it’s that HTML is a royal pain in the sphincter. It ain’t pretty, folks, but it works, and tonight that’s good enough for me.