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Last week, in a decision that surprised pundits and strategists alike, Hillary Clinton decided to distinguish herself from Barack Obama by accepting Jack Kevorkian’s endorsement. “My rival, naïve as he is, has stuck to his rhetoric of hope,” she said to supporters on Wednesday. “So from now on, to make our differences more clear, I will stand for all that is VILE and PUTRID!” She went on to point out that this was not a significant departure in politics, just in presentation. “I have decided not to represent you voters, but PURE EVIL!” she declared, cackling eerily for several minutes until her microphone was cut off.
At another rally on Friday, she continued to attack Obama. “Some say my rival bears the mark of Cain. Soon, that will pale in comparison to the darkness of my soul!” She then bit the head off a bat, broke her podium onstage, and began speaking anti-Christian messages backwards. Other changes in her presentation included her sending Facebook App invites to half a million Obama supporters and changing her AOL SN to “Sataannnnnnnnn!!!!!?” Bill Clinton went on record saying the changes “did not surprise him”.
Jack Kevorkian also had something to say about the change, claiming his endorsement was a misunderstanding. “I wasn’t trying to endorse her,” he clarified. “I was just suggesting that we… you know… pull her plug, so to speak. Even I wouldn’t vote for fucking Hillary.”
Content was originally created by Tanzmetall and published by readme.
