Ernst’s Slap-Happy Party Page

“Ich heisse Ernst”

Hallo, everybody! Welcome to my slap-happy party page! Are we all ready to party? Great! I want to start today’s party by saying that I really love being together with you all. You are such great and friendly people to be around and I really appreciate the way you always make me feel.

Read the full article

Hannah Montana is Sk8r Grrl for US ARMY

I’d hit it.
WITH A ROADSIDE BLAST.

American Pop star Hannah Montana is in Afghanistan fighting for the American Army under her real name, Lt Miley Stewart. She was deployed five weeks ago, and her fellow soldiers were sworn to keep their raging fandom/hardons contained in their minds/pants.

“As far as I’m concerned,” she said, “I’m just a normal preteen girl, doing my duty for America and God.”

Read the full article

Lord of the Cock Rings: Lines that were altered to make LoTR more appropriate for young audiences

Gandalf: Bilbo… the banana is still in your pocket.

Read the full article

The Ronnicles: Part 7


The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers

Any time Ronnie was working in the office, and she found something that was done incorrectly, she would say “I love you guys!” in exasperation, as if she had any reason to hold herself in higher regard than her cashiers. In reality every one of the cashiers in the store was more intelligent and more competent than Ronnie.

Read the full article

Green with Envy

Not to imply this film is in color.

Speaking of film, this one actually is on film, not digital. We shot it about a year and a half ago. I’m just posting all our old shorts… our newer stuff isn’t quite available yet, because we’re still in production or post-production on it.

I have no idea how to describe what happens in it short of “uhhh… yeah. Noir surrealism… I think.”


Content was created by Hilarity Ensues, a production group which Tanzmetall and The Surgeon General, among others, lead.

Words

Hegemony – A lawn artist’s salary

bitch – a lower class itch

thats all

Ohio Democratic Debates: A Summary

But can I just say…
Can I just say, that I didn’t vote for war?
You keep saying that I voted for it,
and I don’t think that’s fair.

Clinton, who once claimed she would never again debate on MSNBC due to their pro-Obama bias, did just that tonight. She was also on a college campus: the heart of enemy territory. Or, at least, she interpreted it that way. Here are some fun highlights!


NBC News’s Tim Russert: Senator Clinton, do you have any comments about your Iraq war vote?
Clinton: You know, I’ve noticed that I’m the only one who gets questions about how I voted for the war in Iraq. I’m fine with fielding those questions, but I do think it’s unfair.

Read the full article

Yakety Bond

It’s amazing what a change in music can do to the atmosphere of a scene. I’m positive you’ll agree.

Black Feral Sheep Riot on The Big Flat Rock as White Feral Sheep Secede from Redonda

It’s a baaaaaad time.

The uninhabited (by humans) island of Redonda in the Caribbean Sea is undergoing the most significant political action in the history of the native feral sheep population, The Group.

Read the full article

Offal, Waffles, and Falafels

There should be a restaurant called “Offal, Waffles, and Falafels.”

Of course, you’d have to put it in a place with lots of educated people, or they’d just think it was “Awful waffles and falafels”.

Conversation in a Chinese Restaurant

“Hey, they seated us next to a light switch.”
“Oh, that’s not a light switch.”
“You’ve been here before?”
“No, but I’ve heard about these. It’s like a test. If you decide to flip the switch, the table lowers you into a pit of alligators.”
“You mean they kill you?”
“No, they’re peaceful alligators. And they’re not hungry. But then a chef wielding a katana comes at you–”
“Wait. Then what are the alligators for?”
“It’s just to add atmosphere.”
“Oh, I see.”

Read the full article

OW! I Hit My Thumb With The Hammer!

Damn it Jake! Why did you move the nail! Look its bleedin’ all over the place now. What do you mean does it hurt? This bitch ass mothafucker hurts like a muthafuckin ass bitch.

Read the full article

The Shirt: Homophobia is Gay

While I’m at it, here’s another one, this time from ages ago, while we were still learning how to do things wrong.


Content was created by Hilarity Ensues, a production group which Tanzmetall and The Surgeon General, among others, lead.

Pro-sess-es

Next time your professor pronounces it “Pro-suh-seez”, refer him or her to this.

USAGE NOTE In recent years there has been a tendency to pronounce the plural ending –es of processes as (-ēz), perhaps by analogy with words of Greek origin such as analysis and neurosis. But process is not of Greek origin, and there is no etymological justification for this pronunciation of its plural. However, because this pronunciation is not uncommon even in educated speech, it is generally considered an acceptable variant, although it still strikes some listeners as a bungled affectation. In a recent survey 79 percent of the Usage Panel preferred the standard pronunciation (-ĭz) for the plural ending –es and 15 percent preferred the pronunciation (-ēz). • Although the pronunciation for process with a long (o), (prō’sĕs’), is more usual in British English, it is an acceptable variant in American English.

Yes, that’s right, pronouncing it “pro-suh-seez” instead of “pro-sess-es” is LESS educated. If you do that, you don’t know the word is not of Greek origin. So, professors, stop trying to sound so goddamn smart by mispronouncing a common word! Nobody’s impressed.

Zombie Student Film Gone Wrong

Not our absolute best mockumentary (re: This Is Indian Territory), but apparently my part in it was good enough that some director cast me in a feature film with a bunch of drama majors. …Yeah, I know, right?


Content was created by Hilarity Ensues, a production group which Tanzmetall and The Surgeon General, among others, lead.