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must now find new candidates. |
“I just kinda decided that running for office… it’s not for me right now, y’know?” Edwards told Clunkline, slightly inebriated. “It’s not because of my performance. No, definitely not. It’s not because I was polling too low to stay in. It’s not because I didn’t stump hard enough before each primary. I just feel like I ought to go straight into the business of politics, you know? Not screw around doing it this way.”
Giuliani, who dropped out around the same time, had similar reasoning. “Yeah, y’know, I wanna just start getting my hands dirty,” he said. “I think I’m gonna start off as a congressional page and work my way up. I’ve realized that what I always wanted was to be a lobbyist… and you don’t need votes to be a lobbyist. You just need to start working.” He took another shot.
Edwards expressed a desire to stay in touch with the world of politics. “Yeah, I’m getting a job on Capitol Hill just to stay near the community,” he said. “I’m not ‘dropping out’, I’m just taking a break. And I need a day job anyway.”
In the wake of the events, Giuliani endorsed McCain, and Edwards endorsed Viagra. “It’s been proven in the past that Viagra is a great way for politicians to stay in the game,” he claimed. “Dole endorsed it in the 90’s, and he’s still around… and Foley used it as recently as last year.”
But a day after our interviews with the two dropouts, Giuliani’s resolution had changed. “Yeah, I dunno, I’m actually thinking about enlisting,” he said. “I made my campaign all about preventing another 9/11. Maybe the best way to do that is by blowing shit up. At least, that’s what I’ve always stood for. Then when I return to politics, hey, I’ll be a veteran. Then they’ll have to vote for me. Or I’ll kill them.”
Content was originally created by Tanzmetall and published by readme.
