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“We have the most diverse supporters, the most diverse voters, and the most diverse AFTERPAR-TAY!” declared Barack Obama amid cheers and flying champagne corks. His sweeping victory was due to strong, unprecedented support from African-American and Not-Evil voters, and his victory is likely to shake up the shake-down on Super Tuesday.
But Hillary came in second with a distant, moral victory. “Or maybe an amoral victory!” chuckled Hillary with that creepy witch-face she makes when she tries to smile. “Haha! Just some post-menopausal humor there for ya.” Then she punched an aide.
Hillary placed above Edwards due to strong support from her own base, Daemon-Imps of Khagmar. “I support her because of her legitimate political experience as First Lady,” said Makhul Kval-Braggan of Smith, Finnegan, and Kval-Braggan, Attorneys At Law. “As an upper-middle-class working Daemon-Imp with impressionable implings, I support her views on video games not being protected by the First Amendment. Too often, video games portray Daemons in a negative light.”
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“I was undecided between her and Edwards,” confessed Blaktarh Vugelvar, Daemon-Imp and single mother. “But in the end, her rhetoric of ‘more-of-the-same’ won me over. Also, Edwards has no prospects and nobody knows why he’s running anymore.”
“I voted for Edwards,” creaked Edwards’s mother, who is his last remaining supporter in his home state. “I believe in him.” Clunkline stifled a chuckle.
“I’m not finished yet,” said Edwards. “I may not have entrenched networks of ethnic supporters like Obama and Clinton, but I still stand a chance in this primary!” Then Edwards paused and furrowed his brow. “Wait a minute, that makes no sense. What am I doing with my life,” he asked as if it were a statement, pushing over his podium and injuring an Obama supporter who’d gone to the wrong rally by mistake.
Content was originally created by Tanzmetall and published by readme, immediately after the South Carolina primary, one day before Edwards dropped out.
