1. Markings on the bike written in English, not that Cyrillic bullshit.
2. Serbia has more shared borders than Tennessee, making it a whore.
3. The bike has never been at war with the US.
4. The bike’s front tire will never just up and secede like some of Serbia’s states, which will remain Kosovo.
5. People who cycle on a regular basis are 82% more likely to have never been ruled by Turkey.
6. Your weight is never evenly distributed across the frame aka not (formerly) COMMUNIST.
7. I heard one guy say that Serbians hate black people.
8. Bike not in Eastern Europe, next to the smelly Bulgarians.
9. The bike is black like an American stealth jet, but Serbia’s flag is white, red and blue just like the French.
10. The bike actually exists, Serbia is just an idea that a lot of people agree on.
Editor’s note: I owned a Diamondback Outlook myself for years (seriously) and I’d have to agree with this assessment that it was indeed superior to Serbia.