Horrid Products: JML and Carol Wright Gifts, Part I

I thought JML was bad until I stumbled across Carol Wright Gifts. It was formatted just like JML, but with more than ten times as many pages.


Merry Christmas! Have some diabetic socks! They’re socks… with diabetes!

…I must not understand how the disease works, because I kinda assumed socks couldn’t have insulin problems.

A Note from Jim Sneed, Sales Associate
We only sell diabetic socks to fat people CAUSE WE’RE RACIST.

The weave is unique! Unique enough to give you (and cure!) diabetes! MULTI-FUNCTION!! Plus they go on your FEET! All the advantages of both socks AND diabetes in one convenient, portable package! Two pairs for $15! Wheeee!


Go ahead. Make my day. I’ll catch the bullet in my reinforced-keratin claws. I guess that you could say my nails are as tough as… nails.

They’re magical! Invisible protective shield! Allows you to take full advantage of quantum teleportation! We don’t know how it works!

Dramatically harder! (As we’ll see soon, they sell lots of products to make things… dramatically harder.)

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