Gents, do you find in your busy lives that you lack the time to treat your woman right? That after a long day on the clock you just don’t have the energy to go that extra mile?
I know I do. Thats why I, Victor Von Doom, came up with the Heroes-For-Hearts foundation. For a small donation, the foundation will in fact slay a super-hero in your beloved’s name, letting your love be known forever as the love that brought that Super-being’s downfall through the gates of ontological metaphysics and into actual being. And you know what, chaps? We might even call it a miniseries event, if you want to make it extra special!
Our recent campaigns, 52 and Civil War, have been particularly effective. By asking for donors at the corporation and government level, we were able to secure the death of not just one superhero, but whole swaths!
Just knowing that you helped a hero die will do wonders for your “home life” if you get my drift. The thought of be-caped men fallen in the streets, torsos opened like broken pumpkins, powers draining into the ether, will bring you from half-mast straight to full sail. Half the Armenian government pitched in to get Charles Xavier shot in the head, and went home harder than the rock to which they chained Prometheus!
So send in those dollars, men! Just pretend you’re helping the war effort! Fall of Baghdad? I hardly even know her!