Space Duke Arubus, the people of Arubia, Mr. Tanz “soon to have a dynamite buttplug” Metall, the jury has deliberated the facts and your defense and have made their opinions on this matter perfectly clear to me on this case, and I am now ready to render my verdict.
As potential reasonable doubt exists in your being led into the first charge of conspiracy to destroy a heavenly body, we will acquit you.
On the second charge of destruction of a small midwestern town with a deadly heavenly body, we do find you guilty.
On the third charge of insulting the Space Duchess Jhasor during you imprisonment here by referring to her as a “half danish ass clown good for only the dipping of yum yum sticks” we find you guilty.
ORDER ORDER You, there sir! Sit down or else….bailiff, ball-gag that man!
OK now the sentencing.
On the first charge, we will capture doctor_subtle and whip him with reeds.
On the second, you will put the moon back together with glue and haul it back into space by hand.
On the third, you will be dressed in a leather harness and hood and delivered to the Space Duchess’s personal dungeon.
The jury is dismissed with the court’s thanks. Prosecutor Grote, you are promoted to mecha-cutor.
THUS SPAKE THORNAS, ROYAL JUDGE
