DECLASSIFIED: Repressed anti-soviet revolution in East Germany

Hello, I am Jonathan Maple. Today on Declassified, we will be investigating a specific event that occurred in Leipzig, East Germany (GDR or DDR in German) on May 4th, 1987. On that day, thousands of nimble German youths took to the street under the direction of one Hans Dansig in a little known and quickly repressed protest action known as the “Dance Dance Revolution”, the DDR’s own DDR.

It is said that at roughly 4pm, Dansig marched with his crew onto main street in Leipzig in front of the local Soviet Governor’s office and began shouting directions for dance steps through a megaphone with the newest Falco track playing through his jambox.

Initially taking the guards by surprise, they managed to neutralize elements of the 3rd Grenadiers of the Soviet Borderers. Eventually, their driving rhythms and hypnotically synchronized movements were no match for T-54 tanks thundering down the street and eventually over Dansig’s jambox, throwing the orderly and semi-successful revolt into disarray.

Eventually, Dansig escaped to Sweden by hiding himself inside the carcass of a sailfish on a Danish fisherman’s boat in order to avoid shore patrol. After reunification, he returned to Germany, again inside a sailfish carcass, but this time for the sake of irony.

This ends another spectacular episode of Declassified. Farewell!

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