Curious George and the Unholy Bark of Yggdrasil

The Man in the Yellow Hat comes in through the door, looking pleased with himself and excited. He is holding two tickets. George stares at the tickets in awe, and his finger hovers thoughtfully at his chin.

The Man hands George a ticket, and George looks at it with wide eyes.


George and the Man in the Yellow hat are two rows from the front of a concert. The band members are wearing long, black, leather trenchcoats and are playing their instruments with steel gauntlets on their hands.

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Indiana Jones: Terrible Archaeologist, or Most Terrible Archaeologist?

Ahh, Indy. The dog’s name was Indy. In his most recent movie, he is fighting the one enemy no man can overcome: age. God, if he chose poorly they wouldn’t even need special effects–they could just, you know, pan towards his face harder. I haven’t seen that many pockmarks since Edward James Olmos went down on Barbra Streisand. Too soon? Not for those two.

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Dear Mr. Ted Bowser,

Thank you so much for inviting us to your dinner party last week. Stephanie, Frederick, Marlene, and I all had the most marvelous time. It is somewhat disconcerting, however, that the rest of our group died gruesomely on the way in.

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Der Bierführer!

There’s a Budweiser truck that drives around Harrison City and passes the store periodically that says “Fuhrer Eagle Sales and Service” on the side. I would’ve got a picture, but cameraphones can only go so far, and I couldn’t get one where the side of the truck was legible.

Still, I think we can conclude that Budweiser is a Nazi beer.

You're Doing It Wrong #1

Go Comics! Check out the newest NDP strip.

Campaign Sign Industry Booming

The campaign sign industry has seen unprecedented growth over the past four months, say spokespeople of the “Big Three” campaign sign manufacturers.

“It’s just inexplicable,” said Derrick Wasser, a representative of Unlimited Yard Signs Ltd. “We’ve never seen anything like it in the three-year history of our business.

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Wash Back?

Today on Clunkline we will address a common myth and proceed to debunk it. The myth is that somehow stuff that was previously on the path to being swallowed is no longer acceptable for swallowing upon being returned more or less unaltered to the mouth. In short, we will prove indisputably to you that there is no such thing as “backwash”.

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Six Hotdogs?

Who buys SIX HOT DOGS?

No, this isn’t Ronnie. This was discovered in St. Albans, WV.

Nom De Pomme’s Guide To The States

Hi everybody! Thanks for buying my Guide to the States, the seventh edition in the Guide series. Hope you are as excited to visit these places as I was doing all the extensive research and planning to write this most comprehensive and astoundingly full bodied, dense, thorough, and complete guide to the states of the USA. Here we go!

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Hello, Nerve M. Staple?

hello, nerve m. staple?
HELLO
we’re from the depot
we’d like to ask you a few questions about your involvement with the michael bay campaign
I’m Cpl. Fletcher and this is Sergeant Franey
How do you do.

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Liberty City Crime Report

SUNDAY, MAY 11, 2008
2:57 P.M. Nico Bellic, 39, of Middle Park East, was arrested in connection with a string of muggings in front of the police station. Suspect was released on bail.

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Why Clinton’s Inevitable Puerto Rico Win Is Bad News for… Clinton?!

Because she either can’t gloat about it, or she risks being called out big-time on inconsistency.

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Great Historical Events in Twenty Seconds: World War I

Fuck you dude! <bang>

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HELLO IS THIS NERVESTAPLE.!!

HELLO IS THIS NERVE/STAPLE
HELLO, NERVE
HI YO’RE SO AWESOME NERVE
HELLO I AM HERE ON BEHALF OF JOHN MCCAIN FOR PRESIDENT
HOLA YO SOY HERE ON BEHALF DE JOHN MCCAIN FOR PRESIDENTIDAD
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED WHO YOU WILL BE VOTING FOR THIS ELECTION SEESON????!
HELLO, NERVE?
!!!
: D
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED.!
I AM CONSIDERING THE VOTING FOR MICHAEL BAY

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Brave New Orleans

It’s common knowledge that Michael Moore plans to release a new film before the 2008 election, which he describes as a sequel to Fahrenheit 9/11. Yesterday, I had the honor of sitting down with Michael Moore one-on-one and discussing its themes in another exclusive interview for Clunkline.

Tanzmetall: So tell me about your new film.
Moore: Well, I wanted to elaborate further on the excesses of the Bush administration and their willful ignorance of the Constitution, which Bush once described as a “scrap of paper.” As I so humorously say in the film, “scrap of toilet paper, more like!” Ha ha ha! Because they wipe their butts with it, you see.

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