The Pumps
The pumps had a habit of leaking, and to this day refuse to print “reseats”. However, with Ronnie’s narrative voice, these problems seemed just a little more surreal.
Pump’s #1 #2 #7 and #8
Were linking This morning So We Put red Bags on them I Allso called Bob
Cornell To let him know
I’m not sure what “linking” means in this context. Either they were providing people with a means through which to access a website, or they were making sausages, or chains, I’m not sure. But the obvious solution to this is to place a red bag on each one. Even a master of voodoo medicine might not have figured this one out, so we should have thanked our lucky stars that we had Ronnie.
Gina,
Everthing was taken care of, The only problem that we are still having is
Reseats still are not printing & pump #1, #2 and #7 are leaking gas from
the base the hose & nasel only when you are pumping gas so the red bags
are on the pumps.
Ronnie #7
Ronnie thought up many colorful poetic interpretations of the spelling of “nozzle”. I also find it amusing that only when Gina is pumping gas do the pumps leak. I especially enjoy the way she ended the sentence with “so the red bags are on the pumps” as if it were the inevitable result of the situation that red bags would eventually make their way to the pumps.
We have a few problems with pumps #1 #2 and #7 Are down they are leaking
gas around the nose ale so we had to red bag them so they are out of
order. Also the key pad for #6 is still not working. And no one can get
there reseats from out side when they use there Credit Card’s. The
bathroom Toilet is not flushing.
Thank you,
Ronnie #7 Harrison City
I could just imagine my own chagrin as the bartender sneezed me out a pint of nose ale. Also, the logic in this one is particularly interesting: We put red bags on pumps so that they are out of order, because otherwise they’d be fine. I’m not sure why this provides us any benefit. It is also notable that the “bathroom Toilet” is not flushing, but any other toilets may be just fine.
Pumps 3/5/6/8 are not printing out recess there is paper in them they just
will not print.
Also the keypad for pump 6 is not working at all. The bathroom toilet is
also not flushing problem and when you walk into the billiding its staring
to smell like raw sewage.
If I could get someone out here that can fix these problems I would be
very grateful.
Thank you,
Ronnie #7
It was very common for Ronnie to insert the word “problem” in the middle of a sentence that described a problem, pretty much at random. I’m not sure if it was Word correcting her spelling of “properly”, but I’m thinking it could’ve been because usually where a random occurrence of “problem” is found “properly” could easily be inserted. But you’d think if someone was trying to spell the word “properly” he or she would think to end it in the letter “y”. Look at that last sentence, though. That’s right, she made a perfect sentence! How? It’s another one of those mysteries that some might contend could only be attributed to a supreme being. I just think it was chance, myself.
Speere Pluming Just looked at the toilet
He Let me Know that It’s a
Clost Auger
To run into the Bowl
It Has the Wrong Right Tight Flaper in it also
It need’s a “400 A” Float Vaule
He Sald it be less then Hour to fix.
But still no one from maintenance has gotten back to me about this matter
the only email that i receved was yours about it.
I put out off use the employee can use it
Ronnie #7
This one is probably the most delicious of the maintenance-related emails. Many people laugh at this one harder than any other. It really does push the limits of literacy. First is the issue of what exactly “Speere Pluming” is. One reader theorized that it was a means of hunting by using a toilet plunger as a harpoon-like weapon. It would be a more humane way to hunt large game. The truth is that “Speere Pluming” is actually a reference to Speers Plumbing, a local plumbing company. Upon consulting with many people who might know something about plumbing, I found that nobody could tell me what a “clost auger” might be. Also, there is the issue of the “Wrong Right Tight Flaper”. Which is it? Wrong, or right?
Ronnie also demonstrates here her liberal linguistics by using the apostrophe in a way that Dave Barry first identified, as an indicator that an “S” is about to appear at the end of a word.
One also wonders which employee is lucky enough to be the one mentioned in “the employee can use it” and which ones were resultantly forced to just hold it in.
This is just a reg coustomer that used to have acount with us
that just looked at it as to him beeing a plumer. Still maintance has not
sent one out For the bathroom or checked on the recess for the out side
pump’s. I am hoping to here from them soon about these problems. Even
though our gas is lower then manor i am afferad that i will start to loss
some coustomer do to some of these facts! And I don’t want the sales
outside to go down or the inside sales to go down. That is a big consere
to me.
Ronnie #7
I’m not making this up! This one is a follow-up on the prior e-mail. In this artistic phase, Ronnie started using “coustomer” instead of “costumer”, preferring to replace the wrong word with a nonexistent one, presumably for clarity’s sake. I bet you’ve never seen anyone older than 8 spell being “beeing”. I think the reason Ronnie spelled it “beeing” is because, as we’ll later see, she spells beginning “being”.
