Analyzing the Ronnicles: Part 4


The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers

I Called Vector Security System about my alarm going
off ever other night
it has been going off for about 3 week’s now.

And ever time that i come in to turn off the alarm.
They were sending
someone out to look at it on Friday or Sat is what the
lady had told me. I
just called them yesterday to see if they could come
and look at it The
lady “”Carrien” was her name and a Teck will be here
on Friday The 4th. I
came out last night and allmost reacked due to the
road’s being bad. Sorry
if they have been calling you as well.
Have a Good Day
Ronnie #7

There was a real issue with our alarm going off at really inconvenient hours very frequently. Every time, or “ever time”, Ronnie would have to drive out to disable it.

Note the clever use of the “double-double-quote, word, single-double-quote” technique for denoting that someone has a ridiculous name, such as “Carrien” in this case. Possibly Ronnie felt that she was receiving a call from a rotting antelope.

Gina

As Ronnie’s boss, Gina was put in a unique and probably very difficult position: She had to try to decipher most of Ronnie’s e-mails, live with the fact that she had promoted this ignoramus, and still pretend to the cashiers and myself that Ronnie should be taken seriously. All the while she also had to find a reason good enough to remove Ronnie from her position without endangering the company to any sort of lawsuit. Ronnie was under the very gravely mistaken impression that Gina favored her over most managers. In truth Gina recognized, as anyone would have to, that Ronnie was one of the least intelligent beings to have ever reached the level of store manager.

Dear Gina,
I have a Question to ask you? I have been keeping
track of or daily sales here at the store for some
time now and I was going to start putting in October
month and I do not know what last years sales were.
Is there any way possible that David would have the
numbers for October throw December of 2006, So I can
contunen to watch the sales.

Thank-you
For you’re time
Have A Good Day
Ronnie #7

Ronnie always spelled the word through “throw”.

When Ronnie has a question for anyone, for some reason she declares it and then follows the declaration with a question mark. It’s almost as if she’s surprised. Were I Gina, I would respond with “You have a question to ask me? I don’t know, do you?”

Gina
Can we use the Spray Can line paint? That is reflective
That lowes carries Please let me know? Rj will be painting the lot
this Friday.
Have a Good Day
Ronnie #7

“That is reflective That lowes carries Please let me know?” is an example of the post-suppository diuretic structure. It’s a very advanced usage and should not be attempted by amateurs at home.

I would have answer you but i dont know what the question is?

Here’s another example of the use of a question mark in any sentence that includes the word “question”.

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