Review: Shoes

The salespeople quip, “It’s like walking, only with something between your foot and the ground.” I didn’t believe them at first. Neither should any careful shopper. But folks, shoes are no ordinary product. “It’s something you put feet inside,” claimed an executive in a high-profile shoe company (known in the industry as “coopers”). This description of a shoe, I must stress, is no exaggeration. They really are that fucking awesome.

Haven’t you ever wished you had something to put between the bottom of your chafed feet, the third time in a row that you have to cross the Plain of Poisoned Caltrops? or the Room of the Broken Glass Floor? or the Maze with Giant Hammers that Squish You? Well, if so, shoes are the stuff for you. They help in every one of these situations. Except the hammers will still kill you. But shoes will make your feet warmer.

Just don’t fall for the sandal bait-and-swap. Sandals suck.


Content was originally created by Tanzmetall and published by readme.

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