If your “sports car” has less than three pedals, it only looks like a sports car.
If your “sports car” doesn’t have 8 or more cylinders in its engine (with a few exceptions) it only looks like a sports car.
If your “sports car” comes with heated, power seats, it only looks like a sports car.
If your “sports car” says “Civic” anywhere on it, it doesn’t even look like a sports car.
If you think your “sports car” will be made faster by attaching a bunch of stickers to it with various abbreviations, you’re wrong.
If your “sports car” is actually a full-size pickup it’s not a sports car at all. Pickup trucks are not meant for going fast.
Let me get this out there to all of those fifty-something businessmen and late twenty-something bar skanks who think buying a “sports car” will make them look “cool” or “cute”. Sports cars are NOT meant to be easy to drive, comfortable, or efficient. They are meant to be fast, powerful, and require a degree of mastery. So sell your fucking 6-cylinder automatic “Mustang” and buy yourself a fucking minivan if you want something easy to drive. Stop acting like having a sports-car body on what only constitutes a regular ol’ sedan gives you balls. It doesn’t.
In the immortal words of George Carlin: “You ain’t cool, you’re fuckin’ chilly. And chilly ain’t never been cool.”
