Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

I’ve just thought of a very frightening reason the potential for a McCain presidency is so dangerous.

John McCain is really old. He’s 71. Most people don’t even make it that far before cancer whisks them down under a big bunch of dirt. That has led people to conclude that it’s important when looking at McCain to also look at who he chooses as a running mate. The running mate is likely to at least get a good year or so in for the presidency if McCain is elected, ’cause he’ll die. Now comes the scary part.

McCain hasn’t yet picked a running mate, but I’ve got an idea of who it’ll be. Y’know how it’s not really á propos for a president to run for a third term? Well, despite his general lack of regard for any sort of democratic principle, George W Bush has not run for a third term. Yet.

I don’t think anyone ever said anything about a two-time president running on the VP part of the ticket, though. The Republican party loves to have Bush in the White House because he provides us with some amusement as they get their kicks by destroying our economy, hacking away at our rights, and killing our children, all the while telling us that an eight-celled embryo constitutes treasured life and should not be destroyed.

Here’s the part that will send chills up your spine. And not even the good kind, like when you’re getting a particularly impressive beejay. These are the kind of chills that could be brought on by watching a video of someone jackhammering your shins.

John McCain has lived a long, more or less happy life of fighting in wars, being tortured, marrying hot lobbyists, and pretending to be against legislative “pork”. This is where the brilliance of pushing a candidate that looked sort of unlikely for the Republicans in the beginning comes in: He happens to be old enough that he probably won’t mind being offed so much. Then GWB takes over again, and we all get jackhammered in the shins.

My advice? Shin pads.

Big ones.

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