All right… Hey! I’ve got the paper. Yeah, nobody’s lookin’ for me yet, so I could just go down to the store and get it. It’s probably not gonna stay that way, though… no… they’ll get on my trail soon. Then I’ll have to high-tail it out of town. So let’s see if I’m in there.
Hmm… not in the front section, maybe I’m in local… I mean, it’s not that big. What I’m doing is nowhere near as big a deal as what color Obama’s shit was yesterday, no. Hang on, ah-hah! There it is. My good work, there for all to see!
C’mon, read it. You’ll be on my side when you’re done. You’ll get why I’m doing this.
| Rash of arson hits local retailers – Seven Provo stores were burned down today in what may be one of the worst sequences of arson the Utah city has seen in its history. No suspects have yet been identified, and no clear pattern can be seen to the crimes. The only common theme police have been able to identify is that each store had, prior to their burnings, signs displayed that used a redundant dollar sign with the word “dollars” or employed the “cents” sign after a decimal amount (example: “$20 dollars” or “.50ยข”) but these certainly don’t seem to be adequate grounds for arson. Police will continue to pursue the case. |
Oh, but you see, it is adequate grounds for arson! These people need to BURN!!! THEY NEED TO FUCKING BURN!!!
I’m sorry, hon… I’m sorry… It just makes me so… so ANGRY. YEAAARRRGH!
The dollar sign already MEANS dollars! You don’t need to tell us TWICE! You mother-FUCKERS!
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have broke that. That was important… I’m sorrry.
And if it’s .50 cents then I’m giving you a fucking half a penny! HALF… A… PENNY!!!
Oh, man, another hole in the wall… I’ll just have to patch that later. I know you hate to see me lose control like this…
Oh, dear, fuck, someone’s at the door. Fuck, shit, fuck. You can’t be seen here… just get out the side door… I’ll take care of them. I love you, and I always have, even though sometimes you punctuate outside the quotes! Meet me in Salt Lake City, if I’m not there in a week, you know the account numbers, you can have it all. Now go! Don’t just stand there, go!
