No, this has nothing to do with masturbation. Well, at least, I think it has nothing to do with masturbation.
This device was created long before imageboards were even a funny feeling in someone’s balls, and was called the “fapper” before a gaggle of horny 14-year-olds decided that “fap” would be a great word for “masturbate”. Anyway, watch the video before I give too much away… It’s delightfully hilarious.
The War Department today issued a tasty incentive to our boys in Europe today with an unprecedented prize of five THOUSAND dollars to any man who can find and capture Hitler’s Nazi mustache.
I like putting down other people’s music. It’s a little hobby of mine, right up there with killing homeless people for sport. People sometimes ask me “Dude, could you stop being such a bitch?” which I assume means “Dude, how can I become as well-versed and musically cultured as you are?” Fact is, one cannot simply turn up one’s nose at any band that more than twelve people have heard of and call it a day. It took me years to master the subtleties and nuances in order to reach the level of elitism that I now enjoy.
Amid calls for the repair of the now nearly 5,000 year old civilization system, the government’s Civilization Utilities and Natural Technologies (CUNiT) department will suspend civilization for five hours of repairs this weekend.
2:15: Sell Hollywood great anti-Christian movie idea
3:00: Buttsex
3:45: Debase institution of marriage
4:15: Missile launch
4:30: Bible-burning party
5:10: Buy eggs
South Carolina exhibits all the splendor of an Ante Bellum plantation, complete with super racism power. Seriously, don’t go there unless you are white and a protestant. Somehow I lived there and got out alive as a Catholic.
The line that divides north, south, and Midwest runs through here. Occasionally voters are swayed by candidates’ views on maritime law as their ships are boarded by French privateers off the coast.
Since media penetration has hovered around only 3% since the invention of the newspaper in this part of the country, many people still believe Calvin Coolidge is running for president, much less being informed on current events.
According to Wilkes-Barre City Council hopeful Hillary DeFelice, her election campaign is in hot water.
“I remember back in February, and escalating through April, it didn’t matter where I was in Wilkes-Barre, there was a ‘Hillary 08′ sign in every other yard. It was touching. I had no idea that my candidacy inspired such a following, that I had such high name recognition. It flew in the face of every trend in local politics. And then, around the beginning of June, it just stopped.”
