After having tried many times to sell scripts commercially, I am pleased to announce that I am now in the bzneszs of selling commercial scripts! I hope you like them (I know I do!) as much as I do. Please contact the appropriate companies and let them know they need to use these commercials or the consequences will be worse than anything their darkest imaginations can imagine.
Sincerely yours friend,
We hear a woman shrieking.
A man is carrying off a woman against her will
Man to camera: It’s okay if they can’t say no cause their mouth is full… of pizza!
Cut to them both enjoying pizza
They finish the pizza
The man smacks the woman
Narrator: Pizza Hut. Doing our part to keep them pregnant and barefoot!
A man is punching a baby.
Man: Boy it sure would be nice if my hands didn’t chafe when I punch this baby!
Narrator: Arm and Hammer Baby Powder. Show those babie’s who’s boss!
Show video from 9/11
Observer: Oh my God!
Another observer: Jesus Christ, what’s happening?
Third observer: Hey, what’s that on the tail of that plane?
First observer: I think that’s an American Airlines logo.
Images of happy and diverse groups of workers building something together
Narrator: While the competition’s planes were flying into buildings, we were building planes to fly.
Northwest Airlines. Because three planes in towers is 9/11 too many.
Jew: Say, Schlomo, I hate my life.
Jew 2: I hate my life and also everyone else’s. I’m vorclemt.
Jew 1: I complain about everything and enjoy nothing due to the crisis of spirituality and identity within my soul.
Jew 2: I suffer from various neuroses relating to personal insecurities, much like Woodie Allen. This leads me, too, to enjoy nothing.
Jew 1: But oi vai, this lox will never make me kivvech! Y-h-w-h, this tastes like G-d!
Jew 2: Le hayim, you said it! And by it, I mean only the consonants.
Narrator: Bagels. If even Jews like something, it must be chhella good!
DISCLAIMER: Product does not endorse Jews