Amid calls for the repair of the now nearly 5,000 year old civilization system, the government’s Civilization Utilities and Natural Technologies (CUNiT) department will suspend civilization for five hours of repairs this weekend.
Citizens and civilians should understand that these titles will no longer apply during this time and existence will roughly resemble an “oligarchical fiefdom, nomadic tribal council, or small militaristic princedoms, depending on region and the number of battle-axes readily available,” according to CUNiT director Jamie del Hossa.
He added, “Workers will be assessing the damage that time has done to civilization, and will work to correct as much as possible in the little time they have available. Before civilization is suspended, the workers will agree to a compact, guaranteeing that they will be subject to civil law during their work.”
After civilization has been restored, there will be no ex post facto prosecution of crimes committed during the lawlessness, but any organizations still standing at the end will have the choice of standing down peacefully or “slugging it out with the army,” del Hossa said.
The President will remain submerged in a submarine the whole time to protect his life, and other members of the government are expected to take trips to remote mountain villages with personal guard details or the international space station, which will also form a compact.
“We are aware of the possible effects of suspending civilization,” del Hossa admitted, “but it is necessary to maintain our way of life. Depending on the success of this work, we may in the future suspend society or even the economy for repairs as well.”
