In what is being hailed as a ‘miracle of tactical maneuver’, the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg has nearly doubled its land empire in its most successful large scale ground assault ever.
British military expert Sir Jonathan Winston Wilson Churchill Smythe-Smythe RN GCB VC said, “They just didn’t see it coming, wot.”
Luxemburg is a landlocked country between Germany and France which is 2/3 the size of Rhode Island and has the population of Wyoming. Somehow, they aquired attack helicopters, supplies, ammunition, and professional shock troops despite their founding 1867 Treaty of London which forbids them from even having an army.
Sir Smythe-Smythe added, “Another clear cut case of appeasement, wot wot.”
The new empire, styling itself the ‘Most Irrational Empire of the Luxembourgians’ released a communique which stated, “For far too long our country has only been 2/3 the size of Rhode Island. Now we are nearly the same size as Rhode Island. Monumental Victory unto the Luxembourg cause! Long live the Duke!”
It is estimated that out of their population of 200,000, 20,000 troops marched through the Black Forest in one night to invade Lichtenstein, which capitulated after a fight of three hours, and two wings of three squadrons of 5,000 airborne chopper troops each flew to Andorra and Monaco. The former capitulated within minutes, and Monaco’s plan to hire the entire Italian army to fight the invaders failed when they spent it all on wine.
International backlash has been limited, and many countries are thankful for a way to ‘simplify the map’. In Providence, the Govenor of Rhode Island issued a statement saying, “First of all, why does everyone always compare vast swaths of land to our state? Why don’t they just say ‘fifteen hundred square miles’? Also, this new European empire is only 1,242.36 square miles, whereas my State is 1,545. Four-fifths is clearly not ‘almost the same’.”
