At a faith forum in California in mid-August, John McCain referred to the “Russian Empire” instead of the “Russian Federation”. The “Russian Empire” has not existed since 1917. Unlike his slip referring to the Czech Republic as Czechoslovakia, this one actually does not make any sense. What’s next–promoting a two-state solution to the fighting in the Kingdom of David and tough talk about Sumeria’s nuclear program? This would be funny if I were making it up, right? (Timestamp: 3:45.)
I’m posting this several weeks after the fact to point out how stupid it is to refer to things long after they’ve become irrelevant.
I wish I could screencap this. Maybe one of my writers has TiVo.
But anyway, at around 4:15 ET, on CNN, Palin was drawing the inevitable and apt comparison of Geraldine Ferraro. Unfortunately, Ferraro was even so much more of a failure than Palin’s modest unaccomplishment, that the person providing closed captioning did not know Ferraro’s name.
Instead, he typed, “Geraldine [...pause...] for error, oh.”
Never has a truer slip been aired on CNN. (At least, not since last night and the night before, when two DNC speakers honestly slipped and started to say “George Bush” when they meant “John McCain”.)
McCain tapped her. To be his running mate, you sick fuck.
McCain, attempting to appeal to a demographic that self-identifies as something other than “crotchety old fart”, picked Sarah Palin as his running mate today. Seeking to prove that he selected the least qualified person for the job, he quickly pointed out that she’s been a Governor of only 500,000 people for only a year and a half, during which she has wasted no time being investigated over corruption. Before that, she was a mayor of a town of 5,000 people. “If the contest is between Obama’s inexperience and Palin’s inexperience, I’m certain the American people will recognize how completely unqualified she will be to take over after my inevitable heart attack in February 2009.”
“It’s not just because she has a vagina,” he said, clearing up that issue for everyone.
Thanks for buying the latest edition of Guide, Guide to Nations: Bulgaria. As westerners, it can be difficult to comprehend the cesspool that is this Balkan state. Therefore, as a world traveler, I have done the hard work and gone to this black hole of reason and law to ascertain its purpose and reveal it to the learned world.
So I’ve spent my summer working as a temp at a company that manufactures safety equipment for other companies around the world. My department specializes in hard hats, and I’m to pack them. For eight hours a day. Monday through Friday. Yeah, it’s that awesome.
Needless to say, there’s not a lot of thought necessary to stick a suspension in a hat, put both into a bag, and then to place the whole thing in a box. To stave off boredom, I have my music, which helps, but is not always sufficient. So my thoughts continue to wander around, searching for something, anything, to keep me from taking my utility knife and seeing what can be done with these pesky wrists.
For a few months last year, I worked with farkle-farkle at one of the worst companies I could possibly have chosen. I do not mince words. I could work in technical writing for twenty years, changing jobs every four months, and not find a worse place than American Sensors Corporation. The first time farkle-farkle said the name “American Sensors”, I thought she’d said “American Censors”—as if they stifle free speech and creativity. Well, it turns out that I was close. American Sensors instead stifles your will to exist.
On August 3, 2008, John McCain became the first nominee of a major political party to be named John McCain. The historic moment was commemorated by fireworks, stirring speeches, and universally-positive press coverage.
“Brains will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the brains that we seek.” proclaimed Barack Obama, speaking at a convention held by the NAAZW, or National Association for the Advancement of Zombie Welfare.
Recently, I took up Tanzmetall’s offer for a free MoveOn.org bumper sticker. What I really was looking for, though, was a free Sign Display Union Local 820 sticker.
And so the point of this post is: does anybody want a free, even thinner, MoveOn.org bumper sticker?
About half our ads are for webcomics so abysmal, they make Minimum Security look like Calvin and Hobbes. I always browse through our Project Wonderful advertisers’ sites to see if I find any gems, which are exceptionally rare (see also: Grade D but Edible, Buttersafe). I’ve only found two webcomics I’ve really enjoyed among dozens that have bought our advertising. That says a lot about how many people simply do not belong in that business. Some of these unremarkable strips are solidly “pretty good”, but their potential is wasted by either a bad partnership or a lack of a badly-needed partnership; some are just in all ways conventional, been-done, and uninteresting. There is nothing memorable to distinguish 97% of all webcomics. Trust me: StudKickass is different. StudKickass is one of the most memorable strips I’ve ever seen… but I do not wish this experience even on my worst enemies.
Just announced earlier this week, Microsoft’s new Blueteeth Human Interface Device (HID) has already received hundreds of accolades for its innovativeness.
The device replaces a computer’s traditional keyboard and mouse arrangement with two Bluetooth-enabled plastic molds fitted to the user’s teeth. Worn much like a retainer, these bright blue colored HIDs are made only slightly bulkier than the teeth they were modeled after due to the thin pressure-sensitive nodes resting above each tooth. By either clenching their teeth or pressing on specific teeth with their tongue, users can move the cursor around the screen, click, or even type.
