With gas prices as high as they are, unusual groups have begun to cut down on mileage. Take the Cain’s Dark Markers, a white supremacist group planning to travel to the Democratic National Convention to assassinate Barack Obama. They have rented a party bus to carry their membership from Alabama to Colorado. “We don’t like payin’ at the pump any more than anybody else,” said Jim H. Wallace, the group’s spokesperson. “Just because we’re racist assholes doesn’t mean we don’t need to save a buck here and there.”
His friend and fellow traveler, Cletus McJagger, spoke to Clunkline about why the trip was so important. “Y’know, I wouldn’t do this for just anyone, but this is the big one,” he said. “If black people win the presidency, then they’ll think they can do anything. I don’t think I need to tell you about the consequences of that on their self esteem and life’s ambitions. We can’t risk that shit goin’ down. I’m doin’ it for my country, y’see?” He blew a noisemaker in Clunkline’s face, purportedly in good spirits.
“Also, we just like the idea of a party bus,” continued Wallace. “People think of white supremacist assassins as these ignorant, jerkish thugs, and that’s only part of the truth. Like anyone else, we enjoy a good game of bobbing for oil, pin the tail on the democrat, spin the news story, and lynch the negro.” He smiled. “Yes, a party bus is economical… and it will also be fun!”