28-year-old Bill Clement of Omaha, Nebraska claims to have had a “good one” earlier this week.
“People have always told me to, y’know, ‘have a good one’,” Bill told reporters. “I guess I never really gave it much thought until recently.” He says he spent an afternoon doing “more or less nothing” and that said afternoon was indeed a “good one”. Guinness recordkeepers are pending comment as to whether or not this can be verified.
During this unprecedented event, Clement supposedly consumed roughly half a bag of potato chips and “one or two [bottles of beer]” whilst watching TV.
In our interview, Bill seemed to indicate that he may have had good ones in the past, albeit unintentionally and without realizing it until now. “Yeah, I’d say it was a pretty good one. I mean, I think I’ve done this before, but whatever, man.”
Neighboring, long-time good-one-having attempter Ted Bagelsteen, also of Omaha, was not pleased to hear the news of Bill’s accomplishment.
“Goddamnit. I’ve been trying to do that for 60 years now,” Ted informed us. “I remember back in ’77 I thought I had perfected the technique, but I was still only having okay ones. I thought for years I was the closest, though. And now this fucking no-talent hotshot has one right under my nose.”
Bagelsteen stopped attempting to have good ones after learning of the breakthrough.
As for Clement, he says he plans to have more good ones in the future, and that he believes he can now truly appreciate it when someone tells him to “have a good one”.