After breaking world record after world record at the 2008 Olympics, Michael Phelps, swimmer, has declared his intent to return to his birthplace and childhood home, Atlantis.
While a bit vague on the exact location of the lost undersea city, Phelps has stated that it was in international waters, making it its own small country. Whether or not it will be accepted as a legitimate place of origin in future Olympics has been a subject of much debate.
“Can you really allow an unmapped country into such a high-profile event?” argues Dennis Oswald, Olympic chairman. “For all we know, the whole thing is a scam, and the competitors are hiding in some backwater swamp down in Louisiana.”
Further questions have been raised on whether or not Phelps was a citizen of the United States in while competing for them in three Olympics. “I don’t really see the problem here,” says Eddie Reese, 2008 Olympics men’s swimming coach, “I mean, the Chinese had those underage gymnasts, right? What difference does it make so long as the sponsoring country backs them up?”
Reese’s comments have sparked investigations into what other secrets the United States might be holding. One apparently recently unemployed government worker spoke to us despite a gag order. “Sure, there’s tons of things we’re not telling the public. But do you really need to know about the secret strength training program on Jupiter? Or the electric soles used by our table-tennis and basketball players to speed their reaction times? I think it’s for the best that these things are kept quiet.”