A dialectic of the toothpaste controversy.
Note: Testicles here is pronounced “TesticlEEs” as it is the Greek philosopher, not the body part.
Epidydimis: What is the controversy over toothpaste?
Testicles: For as long as I can remember, there’s been a serious controversy surrounding people’s methods of operating a toothpaste container. Evidently, there’s an extremely significant difference between people who squeeze their toothpaste tubes from the top, and those who do it from the bottom.
Epidydimis: What could this difference be?
Testicles: Fuck if I know.
Realistically, though, we run into two problems. There’s the sheer insignificance of the issue, which could prompt someone to feel a certain confusion as to why it’s become a social idiom of sorts, and there’s also the simple fact that there are WAY more ways to squeeze a toothpaste tube than those two.
Epidydimis: What about the main two methods of squeezing toothpaste, from the top and from the bottom?
Testicles: If you squeeze from the top, you have the most control over where you’re putting the toothpaste, because it puts your fingers closest to the opening in the tube. However, with this method, you have to continually move toothpaste from the bottom to replenish your supply at the top. Still, it uses all the toothpaste eventually.
Epidydimis: This seems like a sensible enough method for toothpaste dispensation. What of from the bottom?
Testicles: Squeezing from the bottom would make it incredibly difficult to actually hit one’s toothbrush because it’s difficult to carefully control the end of a long instrument (Grabass_Champion knows this from experience). However, it would guarantee use of all of the toothpaste. Still, the amount of missing the toothbrush the user would likely do would invalidate that savings.
Epidydimis: What would the other methods be?
Testicles: Toothpaste tubes can also be squeezed from the middle, they can be sliced open and used to dip the toothbrush, they may even be peeled and eaten like a banana, or used as a do-it-yourself enema.
Epidydimis: That enema must be most pleasing.
Testicles: Indeed. Do you have a tube of toothpaste?
Epidydimis: Yes! Let us experiment with this enema theory.
Testicles: Once the enema is administered, it would be like becoming the toothpaste tube.
Epidydimis: Does the body squeeze toothpaste out from the top or the bottom?
Testicles: This we must discover.
Grabass_Champion is very amused by the realization that the dialectic format is more or less an ancient chatlog.
