Paul Newman is dead. He was scheduled to be Nolan’s next Joker.
Yes, I’m kidding. No, I didn’t know who he was before he died.
|
||||
|
I remember way back in the day watching some documentary about the Jena 6 or the Waterloo 19 or something like that. It was in a classroom in my old high school, and the TV’s there had a habit of clipping the corners off the image because the corners were too rounded. The documentary liked to show scanned newspaper headlines. One of the headlines said, “Black men accused of rape,” which was not funny until it zoomed in ever so slightly, and now said, “Black men accused of rap.” I burst out laughing at this tragic headline and probably looked either racist or insane. While President Bush’s second term in office may be drawing to a close, many upstanding or reclining citizens are still waiting for him to deliver on what some are calling his unrealistically rosy campaign promises. “He promised me a pony!” said Lindsay Magritte tearfully, a 27-year-old investment banker from Tennessee. “My friends, these are tough times,” said McCain in a stump speech usually filled with insincere platitudes. But this time was different. “But seriously, my friends. I have a very serious announcement to make. My checkbook is in crisis. My beautiful wife, Cindy, was one of the principal investors in AIG… and the Lehman Brothers… and Merrill Lynch… and… well… pretty much everything that just fell apart. As a result, we’ve been foreclosed out of most of our homes. Like the average American family on Main Street, we’re feeling the pinch.” In order to combat controversy about their electronic voting machines, Diebold’s public relations officer Bill Rossmer teased the press with the results in four states. “This will be a close election,” he said at the conference, “and we know that, because we’ve already decided most of it.” The announcement was intended to make the process more transparent. This’ll be my first corner post. I’m not sure yet how I’m going use this, so I guess I’ll have to experiment. For now I’m going to treat it as a blog, and for my first blog post I’m going to rant about one of my least favorite things ever: conspiracy theories. Personally, I think every single conspiracy theory is wrong. No, I’m serious. I’ve never seen any convincing evidence that any of these crackpot, connect-the-nonexistent-dots, shit-we-made-up “theories” is true. Let’s talk about the two big ones today: 9/11 and Kennedy. After millennia of intense media speculation, the Jews confirmed yesterday that they would exercise their opt-out clause in the Covenant with Almighty God and seek offers from other deities. “The Covenant may have been a fair deal 5000 years ago,” said Ehud Olmert, prime minister of Israel and current leader of the Worldwide Shadow Conspiracy, “but with expanding revenues and increased global marketing opportunities, we felt that it was time to move on.” Astute readers of this site will have noticed that Clunkline has recently added a new writer to our zoo: Simon Jester. Now we expect that all of you have heard of him already and probably wonder why Clunkline would sully its good name with such a monster. Certainly, the events of his scandalous life and mysterious death need no further elaboration. However, he has assured us that since his resurrection he is a changed man, and if there is one thing Clunkline stands for, it is child labor. But if there were two things Clunkline stood for, the other thing would be second chances, which is why we ask you, the readers, to give Simon Jester a shot. |
Entries feed:
Comments feed:
|
|||
Copyright © 2013 Clunkline - All Rights Reserved Powered by WordPress & the Atahualpa Theme by BytesForAll. Discuss on our WP Forum 202 queries. 0.792 seconds. View in: Mobile | Standard
|
||||
