So I’ve got a lot of time to think, and the realization has dawned on me: I do a lot of unusual things. Mostly small quirks that nobody would really notice, but sometimes it seems like I’m going against humanity by altering the norm. I have thus compiled a list of some of the things most people do not do, yet seem perfectly normal to me. I intend to muse upon them, and give my rationale as to why I do such things as avoid internet speak, prefer to walk to my destination whenever feasible, and move rhythmically. Here’s round one.
I carry my wallet around in my front pocket. This seems to be different from just about every other male I’ve seen, all of whom carry their wallets in their back pockets. Personally, I think that’s just absurd. Not only does it make it uncomfortable to sit down, but it makes this weird bulge that remains even after the wallet is removed. Plus I would imagine it is easier to steal compared to a person’s front pocket. This problem only gets worse as you get richer or more well-connected. The influx of bills, credit cards, and business cards, and whatever else gets stuck in there inflates the wallet beyond its normal dimensions to the point of causing men to lean left whenever they are seated.
I firmly believe that the front pocket is better not only because it avoids the problems above, but because for me, it’s simply easier to get to. I never wear shorts or pants that have front pockets with some sort of flap covering the opening, but about half of the back pockets do. This feature certainly cuts down on the pickpocketers, but also results in an awkward ten seconds of fiddling with your rear before being able to pay for anything.
Another advantage is the ability to grab things out of my wallet without actually removing it from my pocket, so long as I know where the item is. This is very useful, and I haven’t seen it duplicated by any backpocketers. Or if I’m seated, I don’t need to get up partway to show someone my hilarious drivers license from years ago. Although, I look the same then as I do now. Huh.
I hope I have thoroughly convinced each and every one of you to seriously consider your wallet’s location, and how it has affected your life and well-being. And if you’re a girl, I seriously doubt you got much of anything from this.