I’ve got a number of pet peeves, and, to my annoyance, I am constantly finding more to foster with the passing of time. In my book, constantly is too often, and living on a college campus full of bozos and ruffians does not help. So that the world can share in my grief, I will share my pet peeves with you all, one for each week. Some of them, people will be able to sympathize with me on. Others…. well, only in my world I suppose.
Anyone out there got earplug headphones? If so, then you might know where I’m going with this. Or maybe I’ll surprise you yet.
It was 3:00 in the morning, Saturday. I was waiting around in the music hall of my college campus, gearing up for the day’s marching band event in Altoona. My uniform was in its bag, I had a light lunch packed, and my trumpet was already in a truck somewhere being shipped ahead. All I had to worry about at this point was what I wanted to listen to on my iPod for the next five hours on the bus. As I stood in the entryway of the building with my iPod, a number of passing people bluntly attempted to seize it from my hand in order to see what artists I listen to (probably to tell me that my favorite songs sucked and that their musical tastes were far superior to mine… in which case the joke would have been on them because they were, after all, in the marching band). Unfortunately, a couple people did succeed in getting a hold of my iPod. In light of their triumph, they then asked to listen to a song whose title seemed to catch their fancy. I always complied, hoping to rid myself of them by cooperating.
Well, by the time three or four people had listened to my iPod for me, I was a little miffed, but not thoroughly. In fact, by contrast to what occurred next, the whole people-seizing-my-iPod thing was about as insignificant as getting specks of dust in the eye. Yes, what happened next was more to the caliber of ninja stars dripping with allergens. Just as I was about to reinsert my plugs back into my ears, I noticed earwax on one of them. EARWAX! And what’s more: IT WAS FREAKIN’ ORANGE! Naturally, I barfed in my mouth. Twice. Not only had I come THIS CLOSE to pushing someone else’s earwax into my own ear; IT WAS ORANGE. IT WAS DEEP, DARK SWEET POTATO ORANGE.
Indeed, this has happened to me before, several times. Believe it or don’t believe it, but whatever you do, don’t be that guy with the earwax. If you are one of those guys, then I hate you.
Given the number of times this has happened to me before, getting a third party’s earwax on my earphones definitely deserves a top rank in my list of pet peeves. It’s just… I’ve never seen freakin’ ORANGE earwax before. What’ll it be next? Blue earwax? Flannel perhaps?
