I am quite serious when I say that this kind of sabotage will not be tolerated.
You say you are innocent, sir? I say you are guilty. You are guilty like a murderer who only kills people who some other murderer was going to murder anyway. You are guilty like the child molester who only gropes dead children. You are guilty like a date rapist who doesn’t date them first. You are guilty like Sarah Palin. You may think that your little loophole will shield you from justice, but the body politic always orders suits with extra-long sleeves because the arm of the law is so long.
You say you didn’t do it, eh? Well, then prove it! I know for a fact you have a motive. You see, we have a rule here at Clunkline: never insult anyone. We are all about positive discourse and uplifting language. We bent that rule only once: to rip apart your diseased, gangrenous vulva of a webcomic. Since you were the only person we’ve ever insulted, you’re the only person who could possibly hate us or want to kick our testicles in.
We Clunkliners always make a point to take a strong stand against cyber-terrorism. Therefore I will officially be restricting your rights to free speech, as authorized by Article VIVII, Section XIX of the United States Declaration Bill of Constitution. You may now no longer use the word “Clunkline” in any official communications with myself. From now on you must refer to us as “Bagdaggit & Pooger Muffins, Quality Control Dept.” Failure to comply will result in an official-looking Cease and Desist order signed by a disbarred notary.
Good day sir.
I SAID GOOD DAY.
Wendy’s® restaurant patron
P.S. Here is a picture of a llama.