A victory rally of unprecedented size is planned for Chicago on the night of the 4th. Lake County, Indiana is bracing its fortifications in the event that Obama loses, and the crowd turns into an army.
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Motel: 6 A compiled list of various write-in candidates from the 2006 CMU student senate elections. It amuses me, who knows, maybe you’ll come away feeling good about the world too. Student Body President: Student Body VP of finance: Turns out that, two months after I wrote of Jack Kevorkian making a foray into politics, what did Jack Kevorkian do but make a foray into politics. Can’t believe I didn’t notice this until now.
With the election just a week away, Chris Dodd, who has always been his party’s nominee, is down by 9 points in the polls. His rival, Duncan Hunter, who you may remember from when he won his party’s nomination over John McCain, has even surpassed the 50 point mark. Early voting in Nevada has already seen the influence of terrifying Democratic para-electoral groups like Acorn. The shady organization registered dozens of fake voters under the names of Disney characters, in a well-orchestrated plan to execute voter fraud. Unfortunately, says Nevada Board of Elections official Jason Horowitz, many of them have already slipped through the cracks. Trick-or-Treating will last from 6pm – 8pm on Friday for the city proper, 5:47pm – 8:22pm for those living in its faster-moving outlying regions, or 6:13pm – LL5:87aZ for blocks bordering the Alcubierre Anomaly. For those looking for convenient candy containers, Frau Goedel’s Stoneware has generously donated to the City a few thousand of their popular Klein bags. They will be dispensed at their office on Mobius Street, which you can find on either side of the sidewalk. Note: The unforgettable part 1 was found here. The ballad of Anus McKringle Ha ha, that title tricked you into reading something boring. In the interests of full disclosure: this article is not about Anus McKringle, so you can stop now if you don’t care about politics. You know the feeling you get while watching Lord of the Rings… In the middle of the trilogy, you don’t expect it to ever really end. On an intellectual level, you know it will, and you may have even seen it before or have read the books and know how it does, but it goes on for so long, and it drags you down into such a feeling of futility and hopelessness, that you never really believe it will? It just feels like Frodo will always be walking towards Mordor. Likewise, to me, it feels like Bush will always be a lame duck, and Obama will asymptotically approach the presidency, but never actually attain it.
I am writing to you as a representative of the people of Wales. I understand that you are very busy freeing South America from the tyrannical grip of a decadent Spain, but I sincerely hope you will have a chance to read my heartfelt appeal. Here’s a thought: every one of your bosses, every one of the girls you’ve wanted to fuck, every leader of the free world, every philosopher, every dictator, every conspiracy theorist and writer and legendary actress, from Obama to Elvis to Mozart to Moses, has, at some point in their life, hunched painfully over the toilet and let loose an unstoppable torrent of violently-expulsive diarrhea. |
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