nervestaple and I are taking a screenwriting class with a writer on par with Vincent Brown (search that name on this website if you dare). English isn’t his first language, but that’s no excuse for him failing to pick up on the formatting, failing to use the present tense, failing to not have his characters speak their exposition, or failing to not be racist.
Important backstory: the black guy (“Blake”) was the part I was asked to read for. Our teacher is black. Koji is … not. Neither am I. It was the best thing ever. I should add that Koji frequently has black characters and they are almost always fat. He does this by describing them as “a fat black.”
But nothing I could say could be as bad as the screenplay he actually wrote… and I kept my copy. So, without further ado.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Gren (17) has a dark brown hair and very slender face. He goes upstairs and look around the room. The room was filled with pictures of planets such as neptune, saturn, and moon. However, there was one thing in the center that was the most beautiful, the earth, because it used all the colors.
Hey man, why you stopped going to class recently?
Pupil (17) skinny and weak-looking boy. Was sitting on the chair, and taking dirt out from nail using pencil. His hair was standing up from sleep. And he was wearing a pajama.
Damn it. I just missed a test. My grades…
I also heard that you tried to suicide once, drinking all these sleeping pills. Leaving the note that said “I wanted to be someone else”.
I told you to leave, and not come back again. I told you, that I really do not want to see you.
How can you say that. Don’t you remember that we were friend since we were little kids? I am worried about you.
I always hated you. You were smart as hell.