Today I tried making a ziggurat out of beef. The number of cows required for this undertaking cost an arm and a leg, which I supplied happily from my eldest daughter. Anu was pleased with my sacrifice, and the rains came, and the rains caused the cow-keeper to go inside, allowing me to steal his cows. Out of these, I built the ziggurat I mentioned before. It was stinky and did not stand well, and had more maggots than I am used to seeing in a house of the Gods. I wailed at the altar of Ki for several hours to make up for whatever failure it was that she was angry about. However, since the altar I wailed at was the one I had just built, the efficacy of my prayers is somewhat in doubt.
The cowherd was annoyed as well, mostly because I left a rotting ziggurat in his field.
The height of Yooper fashion, and the first result in Google.
The Upper Peninsula of Michigan is the Scandinavia of America: cold, out-of-the-way, and pointless. It’s like the Finnish translation of Appalachia. Somewhere along the line, someone in the U.P. thought it would be a good idea to refer to themselves as a “Yooper” (U.P.-er), and ever since, anyone with any sense has avoided it.
Thong Man made another appearance on our forums recently. Having found a second image of him, I figured, well hey, time to do another Photoshop article, right?
But this time, he got his revenge, because all the other writers were too revolted by his appearance to touch it with a 10-foot-long magnetic lasso.
So with that introduction, if you click “Read the Full Article” below, I’ll accept no blame whatsoever if you don’t like what you see.
In Part I, I discussed how writers of television shows, books, and films often write with diametrically-opposing agendas. Today, I’m gonna use the exact same formula, because unlike Leonard Nimoy, I’m not a flip-flopper.
A deadline has been set for the closure of the Orwellian detention facility at Guantanamo Bay. Apparently, the 250 illegally-held detainees failed to pay the mortgage.
Congress is now debating ways of bailing out the alleged terrorists who live there. This is reasonable, because if Congress bailed out AIG executives, that standard should apply to people who are less heinous assholes.
The defense of Berlin sent most elements of the German Army into a frenzied, last ditch defense of small arms, artillery, and panzershreks. What follows is the account of less well known measures taken to defend the shrinking Reich, as documented by one Nordmann Apfel, a corporal attached to the 3rd Home Defense Battalion.
Mr Speelburg, please stop returning my manuscript with red marks all over it. I will continue to resend it until it is 1) read 2)) purchased 3))) heaped praise upon and 4)))) YOU SHUT UP.
Thanks for buying another fine product from NDP&T Enterprises. This is by far the most complete and effective kit available without a prescription. Please take a few last moments to read the instructions thoroughly, or else you may hurt yourself.
First, check your box to make sure that all the components are included:
Hey, you out there, I’m willing to make a bet about you. I bet you’re one of those people who really likes a good nog. I bet you like to sit down next to the fireplace, recline, and enjoy a good thick glass of nog. I bet you wish one or both of your nipples made the stuff around this time of year so you could have it everywhere you go! I bet you totally hate it when people spell the name “Jeff” “Geoff”! Once again, I’m correct. But that’s not what I’m here to talk to you about.
My apartment building came with pretty thick walls—thick enough that I never heard any noises from any other apartment for months. But recently, my upstairs neighbors decided to start playing “throw the U-bend into the corner”, and I can hear them quite clearly.
