Analyzing the Ronnicles - Part 6


The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers

Roger

Roger was probably the most unfortunate of targets of Ronnie’s e-mails. Her e-mails to Roger were the most frequent and the least comprehensible, and they all addressed practical matters, so he had to actually translate them from “idiot” to English and then act on them. Combine this with the fact that Roger has less tolerance for stupidity than most in our company, and you got a very bad work relationship.

zero mugs left
I Sent you a Email after the meating about that

Yes, you saw it here, “meeting” spelled as if it involves dead animal flesh.

Roger
The 12 Oz cans of Red bull are on promotion
this month 2 for $5.00 but they are ringing up reg price and you can’t
moterive them is it me or is there something wrong with this pitcure
Thanks confused ronnie #7

Moterive was an attempt at spelling “modify”.

Ronnie would never spell out the words “regular” or “register”. They both just became “reg”. I think she was well aware that she couldn’t spell either and therefore just casually avoided it.

It is possible that a “pitcure” is a cure for certain body odor problems.

Very thing alse is ring up fine reg price and the sales we can modify
but the only thing is the red bull rings up at reg price but you cant
modify it. it not ring the price like it would be on sale eather , if that
would be the case. its not ringing the right price to be on promotion
becase we cant modity it.
So do you thing that you can help little confused me
Thank you Roger
Ronnie #7

Aww, poor “little confused” Ronnie… But it is very evident that she’s confused, considering the absolutely garbled state of the language in this e-mail. Could you imagine having to answer these questions? Even if you knew about the equipment and software involved it would be nearly impossible.

“Little confused me” has another element of idiocy in Ronnie’s personality. In addition to scoring lower on standardized tests than most three-ring binders, Ronnie would flirt with anything that produced a significant amount of testosterone. This presented the more intelligent of her targets with the very awkward position of being flirted at by something that was only physically human. “Little confused me” is obviously a presentation of a vulnerable image on Ronnie’s part, which really would only have served as revolting to Roger. I was fortunate enough never to have been a target of this, but that was because Ronnie hated me. This hatred stemmed from her belief that I was spying on her for Gina. That sentiment ended up being quite accurate, though that was not the original reason for my having been moved to the store, and my informing Gina of Ronnie’s “blind-paraplegic-in-a-mosh-pit” approach to management was merely to serve my own ends.

A Few Thing first
Red Bull #7084081
Bill was $51.00 And in Petro It was $55.00 Now is that because of it being
on sale last month?
It will not let me expecet Frito-lay bill #13655716 I Don’t know why.
Silberman Bill #345903
Iteam #157685
Said that we got 6 in and we did shows no Retail.
Next silberman Bill #347183
Iteam #201681
“” #157677
“” #157685
has no retail.
Still no creait on the iteams that we did not recived.
Have a Good Day
Sorry to be such a pain
Ronnie #7

Got that? This must have made Roger’s job take twice as long as it normally would have.

Put in my Coke Invoice 2936014139 Date 12/10/07
It said in Petro $629.64
and on invoice $671.44
that’s $41.80 off He[p me Please
Ronnie #7

He]p me understand this garbage!

Roger
I see that Copenhagen / Skoal Is back on sale again
Do we ring up under PLU 610
And to make shure that i have it right The gatorade is
off sale this
coming month right
I Think that is all right.
Thank you
Ronnie #7

Okay, right? Right. Right?

Roger
I have cut down on the Pretzel’s Here.
We only carry Cinnaon bon Plain and Cream -Cheese.
I thought that we had to carry Cinnaon bon Plain and
one that was
flavored. just making sure we are doing that
correctly.I just don’t want
to get into any trouble. If something is different
please let me know
thank’s.
Ronnie #7

Cream –(cheese). I wonder what the opposite of cheese is. Also note the interpretive spelling of “cinnabon”. How do you even pronounce “Cinnaon”?

Roger
$60243.37 Fax this Paperwork to Lex line Or do
just want to safe
paper on the fax manichine do to tonight being mail
bag and you
have the end of the month and end of the year stuff
coming to you
in the morning
Ronnie

This is one of the least comprehensible e-mails that Ronnie has even sent. What is it supposed to mean? I encourage you to submit to me your ideas.

Roger
Silverman Invoice #353248 In my inbox as use/supple
Am still wating on
them pick up my stuff that in the office mabe tomorr
whenthe order comes
Ronnie

Ooh, that “Silverman” invoice is so supple that I might just use it! Well, mabe tomorr.

I think “Whenthe” could probably pass as an Elizabethan word. “I hath made him a cuckold whenthe his dame did lie with me.”

Comments are closed.