Dear customer,
Thanks for buying another fine product from NDP&T Enterprises. This is by far the most complete and effective kit available without a prescription. Please take a few last moments to read the instructions thoroughly, or else you may hurt yourself.
First, check your box to make sure that all the components are included:
1 katana
1 catapult
1 sieve
3 cups compressed Queso cheese
2 mousetrap-shoes
1 audio cassette “Best of Highland Bagpipe, Oboe, Ragtime Piano, and Hurdy Gurdy Quartets”
3 cymbals
14 rolls of duct tape
(Batteries not included)
From here, try this suggested combination. Feel free to experiment, or at least record how you do it so others can view it as an option later. Who knows, you may even be logged into our Hall of Originality!
1. Play the cymbals for an hour. Duct tape the extra cymbal to your head and run into walls. (If your walls come with built-in cymbals, this will double your effectiveness.)
2. Approach the wise man who lives in the cave at the end of the cul-de-sac. Ask him if you can borrow some salt. If he launches into a mando about self-reliance, duct tape the sieve to his chest and hit him with the cymbal attached to your head.
3. Wrest the salt from his now writhing fingers, and coat your feet.
4. Here’s the fun part. Mousetrap shoes should be placed about a hundred yards away. Climb in the catapult and shoot over there, landing squarely on target. Quickly run back and start the tape in a high-powered stereo at full volume.
5. Play the cymbals for an hour, this time spinning in circles and spitting on every available surface until your mouth runs out of saliva. At this point, replace your saliva with Queso.
6. Wrap your cheesy head with duct tape till you can only be described as “Sphere Man”.
7. Run around slashing with the katana inside your home untill you strike the main electrical conduit and electrocute yourself with the lights in the room flashing on and off like a strobe light and your skeleton becoming briefly visible.
Well, that’s just one idea. It’s yours to enjoy!
Thanks again,
NDP&T Enterprises
