TV Networks Announce New Shows For 2009

ABC – “Extreme Makeover: Mobile Home Edition”
In this ill-advised reimagining of the popular “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” series, Ty and the gang recruit 300 Sears employees to help turn a dumpy trailer into a slightly less dumpy trailer. Disaster is narrowly averted in the first episode when the trailer’s occupants emerge carrying shotguns and blast away at the camera crew, but 15 minutes and only three fatalities later, they are subdued using large quantities of alcohol.

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bitches bitches bitches yo
yo gona be a bitches moe
moe sez bitchies aint his thing
what you talkin bout you a mean
bitches bitches bitches yo
whatever you do, dont do nuthin low

There I was, walking down the street
I saw the frenchman, said “what have you to eat?”
“Ze wine und ze cheese eez my favorite treat”
then we had food, and a bird went ‘cheep’

It's Mmm-Mmm Good!

From the Text Message In/Outbox of Brian Jacques

hey brian what r u doin for dinner tonight

Well, my good fellow, I have prepared a delectable meal of honeyed buttermilk scones, complemented with a fruit salad of pears, strawberries, and blueberries, covered with a fine whipped cream.

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Obama Pushes Magic Reset Button

Immediately after his inauguration on Tuesday, President Barack Obama pushed the Magic Economic Reset Button located in the Oval Office. The Magic Reset Button immediately fixed various complex problems without any short-term sacrifices or any need for patience.

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Where Are They Now: The Cup from 2Girls1Cup

Although the Cup burst into A-list stardom with one spectacular feature, many casual moviegoers are unfamiliar with the Cup’s other theatrical work.

The Cup’s debut was humble: as a stool sample cup on House, MD. After that non-speaking role, it moved on to become a production assistant on Battlestar Galactica, where it carried coffee to Edward James Olmos.

After its lucky break, it scored a handful of high-profile roles, including another big role in the blockbuster sequel, 2Cup2Furious: Porcelain Drift.

However, outside of the poop-cup franchise, the Cup has been largely unable to land starring roles in major features. It attempted to get another coffee-carrying job in The Wrestler, but, for some reason, nobody wanted to drink out of it.

Article was originally created by Tanzmetall and published by readme.

Appeal for the Octocore

It is coming.

It is inevitable.

And it had better well be named correctly.

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this is how i remember the lyrics being

nervestaple is now online.
Tanzmetall: how lucky as lucky as lucky as you
nervestaple has gone offline.

OGTAB, Part 3 - Jurassic Park

(This is the third installation of Old Games That Amuse Burpen.)

It’s amazing how many pieces of crap were made based on (and in worship of) Michael Crichton’s novel Jurassic Park. These pieces of crap included a Spielberg movie. That said, perhaps the majority of the crap was actually based on the movie… Anyhow, a Sega Genesis game was one piece of crap to result from this. And man, was it amusing crap.

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Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children: A Pointless Review

No, I am not reviewing the Playstation RPG that people have been fawning over for years. Instead, I have obtained through my good friend J-tin a copy of the movie that takes place two years after the events in the game. I should preface this saying I knew about as much about Final Fantasy VII going into this as a blind man knows about the difference between red and blue. I’ve heard much about it, but have no real experience playing it. For that matter, the only Final Fantasy games I have played are a FFXII sequel and FFIII for the Nintendo DS. But I decided to see how this movie would hold against the standards of someone not enthralled by FFVII’s mystical aura. And quite frankly, it could have done better.

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The Writers of MADtv Have a Brainstorming Session

CHUCK: Ooo! Ooo! I got another idea!

VERN: All right, let’s hear it!

CHUCK: Okay, so there’s this guy, and he walks into a bank…

The rest of the writers stare at Chuck in anticipation, as if expecting some sort of flash of genius.

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FiveThirtyEight Projects Warkinson Landslide in 2020

Popular electoral prediction site has wasted no time since the end of the 2008 election in issuing predictions for the next several cycles. FiveThirtyEight’s founder, Nate Silver, says that he predicts with 97.2% confidence that, in 2020, Anti-Federalist candidate Bill Warkinson will win every state but Guam and West Dakota.

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War Erupts in Middle East

World Very Surprised

“To say the least, the increased, two-way aggression in the Gaza Strip has shocked us. Who would have thought that a state founded on ethnicity and divine mandate would come into conflict with a displaced people of a different ethnicity and different divine mandate?” asked U.S. State Department spokesman Bill Reed in a press conference.

He then spent several minutes playing cheerily with his pencil. “You guys ever notice how, when you drop something, it falls?” he asked us with childlike curiosity, watching his pencil clatter to the floor. “How remarkable. I wonder if anyone’s thought of a succinct way of describing that. Maybe something like, ‘obvious cause and effect’.”

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