It is coming.
It is inevitable.
And it had better well be named correctly.
I am, of course, talking about processors with eight cores in them. There has yet to be developed a standard for naming multi-core processors, and I intend to do what I can for the next generation.
We started off with one core. Was it monocore? Of course not. Unicore? Nope. It was just a processor. Then the reached a limit on how fast it could go, and someone had the bright idea of saying, “Hey, if we stuck two of these together, they’d work twice as fast!”
And what do you know? They were right. Of course, that’s only true when things are made to work on two processors, but such programs came along swiftly. And thus, the second generation of processing began.
“But what shall we name this new wonderful technology?” some random person on the street asked. “Bi-core processors? Twin-core processors?” Some people liked the second one, but it was swiftly crunched under the heels of intelligent people. “We shall dub thee dual-core!” And so it was. And the people were glad.
This did not satisfy everybody, however. There were dissenters. “We need more power!” the gaming community cried. “How do you expect me to run Crysis on this slow turtle of a machine?” So the fearless engineers toiled for days on end coming up with a solution. Incidentally, it was the lead engineer’s five year old son who solved the problem when, while playing with some used processors his father had lying around, got them stuck together and went to his dad to fix it. “Ingenious!” the man cried, and immediately he went to the secret labs deep within the island’s volcano lair to go to work. The child, still unhappy about his plaything not being addressed properly, eventually grew up resenting all things computers and lived as a hermit in the north pole’s vast rain forests.
The engineer, though, developed a way to integrate four cores into one processor. This behemoth needed a worthy name. No four-core rhyme lingo would work. Nor the tetra-core, as nifty as that sounds. For this thing, it needed a manly name. Something that would remind all of it’s power. Quad-core it was to be. And the gamers were satisfied for now.
Our current position, then, is clear. Using a simple mathematical pattern, I have discerned the next big advance in processor technology will be (drum roll please)….
Eight Core Processors!
Since we now have that determined, the naming of such a device, even though it is yet unseen, is crucial. Fortunately, there are fewer options at this high stage in the numbers game. Simply calling them eight-core processors is fairly lame, and too informative. Our main other choice is, by contrast, the best name yet for a processor. The Octocore. Sure, some may try to wimp it out and call it the octacore, but that breaks the coolness in half over it’s knee. Clearly, this is the right name for the next gen processor.
Not all see it that way, though. There are those out there who would be so daft as to call it a dual-quad-core processor! Fools! This is clearly the brainchild of the Apple Corporation. While it may have come from a logical source, like say, two quad core processors working in tandem, the iMasses will no doubt adopt this term for evil. Without proper handling, this situation could turn dire indeed.
So a call to arms is required! Many already have joined the battle, but it is not won until such a technology is formally released! Stand proud, and declare, “I want an Octocore!” Only then shall your life be fulfilled, and you can die in peace. Or pieces, whatever suits your fancy.
