What is the essence of ballness? To understand these questions let us imagine the perfect ball. What color is your perfect ball? Is it red? It had better be. If it is not red adjust it accordingly or we will move on to considering your death. Good. Is your ball round? Good. How round is it? So round. Round. Very round round very round. Round. Yes our ball is so round it is perfectly round. Rounded roundness is a property of perfection. In balls at least. And breasts. Bouncy breasts. And sawed off heads. Round bouncy heads and breasts and balls bouncing down the stairs. Bounce Bounce Bounce. Does the head still have hair on it? It does doesn’t it yes it is a hairy head, like a dog but not a dog because dogs are nice and red. Is the hair red? Good I only want ginger heads to play with. Does the ball bounce bounce bounce? Mine does because it is perfect. I bounce it on the ground and watch it fly up into the air and bounce back. Just like a ginger’s head. And a woman’s breasts bouncing up and down up and down bounce bounce bounce. If our ball is perfect and it had better be perfect it will be perfectly bouncy. If it is perfectly bouncy it must be very bouncy so when we let it bounce bounce bounce it will fly up into the air. Up and up. Until it is perfectly up, which is even higher than very up. But where does it go when it is perfectly up? Well silly it must go perfectly down. Back and forth it goes perfectly. Perfect. Surely if this ball is perfect it must exist because it would not be perfect if it did not exist. So we can find the ball and keep it away from all the nasty gingers. And when they come to take the ball we can take their heads instead and then our ball will have friends and we can bounce bounce bounce all day long. This is what it means to be a ball. To bounce bounce bounce.