Somebody Please Notice How Drunk I Am

Whoa. I am soooooo wasted right now. Like, you have no idea. Yeah, it’s awesome. Isn’t it awesome? Don’t you think I’m awesome? I think I’m awesome. Did I mention how totally smashed I am right now? Because I am.

Remember this, okay? Remember what’s going on right now, especially the part about how I’m completely plastered. You’re gonna remember that, right? Good, ’cause later we can look back and talk about how hammered I was. That’ll be great, won’t it? I can’t wait to get together later and remind everyone that I got absolutely wrecked. Then we can tell other people about it too! You could be all like “Dude, he was so totally blitzed, it was crazy!” When other people hear about how much I had to drink, they’ll think I’m so cool. They’ll be like “Wow, that guy is truly worthy of our admiration, because he imbibed a substantial quantity of alcohol that one time.”

Oh, man. I remember this one other time, I got, like, really really trashed. It was nuts. I don’t even remember it, that’s how drunk I was. I know, it’s awesome, right? The next day, everyone was like “Yeah, dude, you had so much to drink last night. You were totally obliterated!” They all thought I was so cool ’cause I drank so much. Did I ever tell you about that one time I got absolutely destroyed? I did, really? Just now? Wow, I don’t even remember that. Yeah, that’s how annihilated I am, I don’t even remember what I just said. I don’t even know what I’m saying right now. Make sure to mention this when you tell other people about this later, because that will be an important detail to help illustrate just how utterly decimated I was.

Hey, somebody get a picture of this! Hold on, let me turn this beer bottle so that you can see the label. Okay, now somebody take a picture of me holding up this bottle of beer! Yeah, and make sure you get the bottle in the frame. Tomorrow I’ll post this picture on facebook so that everyone can see a photo of me holding a beer and then they’ll know how cool I am.

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