How To Instantly Annoy Tanzmetall In Six Easy Steps

Step 1 (Note: adjust volume dial to maximum)

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An Argument for Healthcare Reform

This time, made by a simple malfunctioning light.

No! Think about what you're doing!

Stop, cranefly!

You have hours and hours ahead of you! Don’t do it!

A - PICTURE

I think I’ll scrape letters off my Saturn until they spell “A TURN” and then spend all my time turning. This, I have deemed, would be equally (not very) funny.

Living with Peter, the Awful Korean Part Three: Open Season

I returned Peter’s stash to its rightful (though dare I say unlawful!) place, and soon enough Peter returned in a similarly criminal manner. I could see in his bloodshot eyes that awful gleam of knowing. Like any good spy, I had returned his rifled-through things to their original places, carefully restacking the most casual of stacks, etc, and though any layman would have been none the wiser, something in those flat eyes knew that I knew that he was a fiend, both horticulturally and demonologically.

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ClunkMD: Chronic MMO

Chronic MMO: Topic Overview

Chronic MMO is a degenerative disease that frequently affects students and computer users in general. It can progress into stages that can result in incredibly unsanitary practices and eventually in a state of apparent death to the rest of the world.

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Gather: The Magicking

The fabled woods of Nor are usually filled with the chirping of birds this time of year. Yet in the clearing near the Tree of Infinite Truths, no creature dare stir. Sitting upon the roots of the aged elm sits the Tree Guardian, a powerful dimension traveler, the wrinkles of his years resembling the sacred bark he rests his back against. Nature itself respects the elder’s meditation.

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Living with Peter, the Awful Korean Part Two: Smoke and Mirrors

So one might criticize my reaction to that initial night of sexile, since the blue scrunchie maneuver was something I might have given Peter reason to think was okay. (I hope to god Peter didn’t show that Chinese girl his “blue scrunchie maneuver” if you know what I mean, because what I mean is some kind of sex act).

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Why I Watched You Pee in my Yard

I was up late that night. Graveyard shift at the campus apartments. A dispute down the hall resulted in a pathetic and somewhat hairy student coming to me complaining about one asian in particular, and asians in general. He also said he needed a new scrunchie, but I couldn’t help him there. A single RA can only do so much to stem the asian invasion and conjure up scrunchies.

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My Roommate: The Review

So I’ve been sharing my room with this guy for a few months. Wanna know how that went? Dope as shit, man, dope as shit. Seriously, this guy is balls awesome, I’d definitely take his cock in my mouth in some mad respect fellatio. Seriously, if he was a chick, I’d superman that ho. Here’s why he’s the shit.

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My Roommate: A Review

So for the last couple of months, I’ve had to share my room with another human being. Now, you may be wondering how that was. I’ll give you a hint: if it were great it would not be funny.

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Sermon on the Brick

From the Desk of the First Church of Lego (Reformed)

Good morning, my fellow minifigures.

I have received many troubling confessions as of late. It seems many members of our community are harboring dangerous thoughts as to the nature of the Creator. Questions are being asked that can only lead to treason against the almighty Builder and His books of divine instruction. I have taken it upon myself to dispel these concerns once and for all so that all of us fellow bricks can once more unite in the name of Lego.

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Why I was peeing in your yard

During my years I’ve discovered two important facts about urination:
1. Regular urination is the most important part of a healthy life.
2. Human urine is not an important component of underwear maintenance.

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

This comes in 14 parts. I know you see YouTube and go, “Oh, short attention span!” No. This will take up two hours of your time, so be prepared.

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Living with Peter, the Awful Korean. Part One: It Begins

Roommate stories, roommate stories, I’m gonna bust out some roommate stories!

Indeed, today is the day I will tell the story of Peter, the Awful Korean.

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