My Roommate: The Review

So I’ve been sharing my room with this guy for a few months. Wanna know how that went? Dope as shit, man, dope as shit. Seriously, this guy is balls awesome, I’d definitely take his cock in my mouth in some mad respect fellatio. Seriously, if he was a chick, I’d superman that ho. Here’s why he’s the shit.

First, y’all know I hate laundry. That’s women’s work, and though I would happily get on my knees and suck off our lord and savior Ronald Reagan, ain’t nothing chick-ish about me. Normally, this would be a problem, but the solution dawned on me that instead of detergent, I can just buy axe. Now, this would be a problem, as how can you axe clothes in a closet or drawers? But my roomie, God/Reagan bless his soul and suck his schlong, has left the floor open for me so I can spray away with my own little workspace. Awfully considerate of him since it covers like 90% of the floor and makes the room still smell a little off, but I guess he likes the smell of man and ax. What-evs, more cock-sucks to him.

And we have some great conversations. Back home, everyone’s always bland and agreeing with me and shit, which is cool but lame. But man, when I lay down some facts like how privitization’s gonna be the way of the future, he’s staring at me all shocked like Jesus himself is supermaning him right then and there. He’s got this look on his face I’ve only seen before when my sister accidently jammed a cheese grater in her ear. She said that the blood loss made her feel oddly at ease like some of that nirvana shit those dope kung fu monks are always humming about. Those guys are definitely worthy of having their cocks in my mouth, I’ll tell you that. But man, when I talk with this guy, he is awe-struck by everything I say. That’s a real powerboost.

And sometimes I need that. In the daytime, I am Sir Awesome Saint-Cool. But at night, I get some fucked up dreams. My girlfriend told me I scream in my sleep, but this kid, he don’t say nothing about it. Never calls me out on it. Never would betray it to the world, he’s my bro. Mad props for that. Your cock, my mouth, man, it’s how we roll.

Speaking of my supermanned ho, when I get kinky with the bitch, he watches me. Now, I know you’re thinking that that’s a little gay, which is totally fucked up, but here is where the true cockery-in-mouth is earned. It’s like being a fucking porn star man, nothing has ever made me harder. But recently, he’s been playing all coy like and ignoring us, so we’ve been stepping it up. I’ve been spidermanning and green lanterning my bitch to crank it up to eleven, and those fake looks of disgust hiding his real looks of “oh yeah, you green arrow that slut.” It gets me off man. That’s the kind of dank bro this motherfucker is; he’ll totally get me off.

On a scale of one to amazing he scores himself, because only his name can describe someone that amazing. Your cock is welcome in my mouth anytime, man, with Reagan up my back door in a patriotic three-way clusterfuck of mad props.

No homo.

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