During my years I’ve discovered two important facts about urination:
1. Regular urination is the most important part of a healthy life.
2. Human urine is not an important component of underwear maintenance.
As a result of these discoveries I have decided that it is my duty to myself to pee wherever I am when I need to go. Now some of you may think that this is wrong. That is the result of foolish taboos instilled by Benjamin Franklin. The greatest example is peeing in the shower. Sometimes all that running water…you know…makes you have to go. And at times like this we all realize how stupid it is that the toilet is so far from the shower. So what to do? Well Benjamin Franklin would have you believe that you need to either get out of the shower and trudge all the way to the toilet or suffer serious strain to you bladder. But why would the shower tempt us to pee so badly and then expect us not to? The answer it wouldn’t. The shower is just showing you what to do.
Okay so my piercing logic has convinced you that the shower is a great place to pee. Good. But what about peeing in public places? I’m going to let you in on a secret that that fat cat Benjamin Franklin doesn’t want you to know: if a car runs over your urine it is not yours anymore. All of the oil and grease and rubber coupled with the heat from friction fundamentally changes the urine so it isn’t yours anymore. It’s not even urine anymore. So anywhere a car could run over your urine you can pee without remorse. That means parking lots, streets, sidewalks, the exteriors of buildings, and driveways are all game. Take that Benjamin Franklin!
Finally the most misunderstood place to urinate is people’s yards. Guess who pees in your yard all the time. Me. You know why? Guess who else pees in your yard all the time? All kinds of animals, bacteria and bicycles. You know why they do it? To mark the places where they are boss. Well they aren’t my boss. So I had to pee in your yard to show them, and so do you. So you drink a lot of coffee, watch some Youtube footage of Niagara Falls, and pee all over the world like Nature intended.
