In a startling inverse of the usual wives-tale, a large naturally occurring storm has caused several butterflies on the other side of the world to flap their wings in an unusual manner. This has created quite a stir in the butterfly social scene, as a number of the affected insects were out in public at the time. One individual, Bzzst-zzt, made quite an offensive gesture to the maid of honor at his sister’s wedding.
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Researchers in India recently became aware that two groups of butterflies have been marking their territory in Warangal City. “The problem appears to be with two families of South Indian Blue Oakleafs (Kallima horsfieldi). They are splitting the city along the Bala Samudram Road,” said Gajendra Kalla, a scientist on the scene. “Their main method of fighting appears to be flapping their wings to cause mini-storms in the opposing territory. A side effect they either don’t know about or don’t particularly care about is the massive storm brewing on the other side of the world.” Microsoft Word Development Team Microsoft Word, the planet’s most popular word processing software, has undergone a steady rate of improvements with each of its subsequent versions. Today, however, we are pleased to announce the upcoming release of Microsoft Word X, a piece of software with so many new features, it represents more than just the next generation in office document preparation; it is a paradigm shift in how we create text. Appropriate: Ireland: A land full of angry people. You probably want this update only as much as I wanted this spam. But I thought this first piece explained a lot. To: farkle-farkle’s_email@noneofyourbusiness.com
Editor’s Note: Today’s article was guest-written by Tanzmetall(719), an alternate instance of Tanzmetall who somehow managed to get elected to the United States Senate in 2008, defeating Arlen Specter. This is especially remarkable since, in 2008, Tanzmetall was much younger than the age limit, and Specter was not up for reelection. July 19, 2009 Well! Just won election after an exhausting recount. I was about to lose my Pennsylvania Supreme Court appeal, but at the last second, I ran over and poked a cancer pustule on Specter’s face. Thus angered, he launched into a curse-filled tirade about how Pennsylvania voters are idiots and how much he hates America. By state law, the election results were voided. Woooo!
Tanzmetall: “I like to go to my fridge, not want to eat anything, wander back to my bed, and feel sorry for myself.” Grabass_Champion: “I like to take Excedrin because I wake up feeling better than good. Better than Jesus. It works for hangovers too. Maybe it’s because I typically take it with cocaine.” |
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