Before I started on the Plutonium Abs program, I was just a scruffy little weakling, just like you. I was overweight, at 4 foot ten and over 200 pounds, but yet I couldn’t lift as well as girls who only weighed 130. But just look at me now! I’ve grown a foot, lost my belly, all while gaining 400 pounds of pure muscle. I actually use most of the muscle to hold the rest of my muscles up. And can you tell I weigh 600 pounds? No! I look great, because I’m roughly as dense as freshly-milled steel.
But just because I’m ultra-dense doesn’t mean I’m stupid. My IQ used to be 120, but since I started the Plutonium Abs program, it tripled, to 410. That’s right, I said tripled. I gained the extra fifty IQ points just for signing on as a Plutonium Abs Gold Member, and they threw them in absolutely free.
I used to have a small drug problem. Now, I have LOTS of drug problems, and family and health problems to boot. What a great value, all for only $209.34 per month ‘til I drop dead!
Before I started on the Plutonium Abs program, I had no ambition. Now, I’m working hard to become President of the United States. If that fails, I’m starting a secret cabal and overpowering all of the world’s governments, all at the same time! Wow! Thanks, Plutonium Abs!
Plutonium Abs: they’ll take your life, and rock it! And then give you an irrational fear of pomegranates.
