Ever said anything that you instantly regretted? Ever been at a funeral for a retarded person who got murdered by neo-nazis and told someone that maybe we should just euthanize the fuckers, after all they’re just a big cost to society?
Well, you’re in luck!
There is a phrase that instantly absolves you of all responsibility for what you just said! Is it “I’m sorry”? NO! Is it “Just kidding”? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Is it “Some of my best friends are…”? JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?
In today’s world it is important to be able to immediately erase responsibility for all of your verbal diarrhea, and we’ve got just the phrase for you.
If you ever shout “Y’all need sum Pine Sol, nigga!” in front of an 11-year-old black child, then you need to know how to follow it up. (I couldn’t see him. It was dark.) All you have to do is shrug and say “I’m just sayin’!” and you will be forever without sin. Go ahead and cast some stones.
This line has been a well-kept secret for centuries. Let me take you on a little journey through the story of “I’m just sayin’.”
The last time Jews were poor (I’m just sayin’!), when God gave to Moses the ten commandments, one not oft-reported by centuries of revisionist religious institutions was the eleventh commandment.
The Romans erased this commandment from the list because they were totally comfortable with just being dicks (and you would be too if you ruled the known world).
Then there was the time in 1517 when Martin Luther published his 95 theses. Not many know that the Catholic church nearly considered not excommunicating him if he amended his 95 theses to add a 96th that read “I’m just sayin’.” You can see how not using this valuable phrase can really alter the course of your life.
On July 11th, 1804, Aaron Burr shot and killed Alexander Hamilton. The reason he was never condemned for his act is usually chalked up to the dueling culture of the time. It’s a way to make it simple for the history books, but some eyewitnesses wrote shortly after the duel that Burr could be heard muttering after firing those fateful shots “I’m just sayin’.”
If these people used it, you can use it too! Feel the freedom of being able to say what you want. Insult Kim Jong Il to his face, and avoid years of brutal torture with only three words! Tell your grandma you’re going to shoot her and fuck her in the exit wound! You are free.
You’re welcome.
