Sir Issac Newton, the Archbishop of Canterbury, and a lawnmower walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “don’t tell me what ya want, boys, I have a knack for guessin’, but ya gotta let me look around ya mouth to see what ya like.”
Newton, being a man of science, volunteers to go first. He opens wide as the barkeep looks inside, his face barely an inch from his lips.
“Aha!” he exclaims, “You’re an apple-tini man!” Newton is taken aback by the accurate prediction and happily takes the drink the barkeep prepares him.
Next, the archbishop steps up, being a man of faith. The bartender gets even closer, with his eyelashes clearly within the archbishop’s mouth. “Aha!” he exclaims, “Yer a bloody Mary man!” The visibly impressed bishop happily begins to sip his prepared drink.
Finally, the bartender goes up to the lawnmower. He sticks his face right into the machine’s maw before getting it ripped off in a bloody mess of clippings and crimson
‘cause it’s a fucking lawnmower
