I play Dungeons and Dragons.
There, I said it. It’s out there, go ahead and mock my basement-dwelling, Mountain Dew-chugging, cheese puff-eating tushie. I play D&D. And y’know what? I enjoy it. It’s freakin’ fun.
There’s something missing from the D&D experience though. At times, the adventure can seem a bit too disconnected from the reality we live in (fancy that). Noting this, I took it upon myself to add a new class to the ranks of Barbarian, Wizard, Ranger, and the like, a hero for a more refined age.
Ladies, Gentlemen, and otherwise… I present the Democrat character class for D&D 3.5!
From the depths of the most gargantuan cities to the houses of the smallest hamlets, there are always individuals who believe that the world can be better, that people can be equal, that the wilderness can be preserved, and that everyone can be as happy and as healthy as everyone else. These men and women are known as Democrats, and they are sworn to bringing about the social change that they deem necessary in the world. A Democrat believes himself to be a great hero, and acts in such a way that others tend to believe it too, no matter what his actions are. As master speakers and manipulators, a Democrat can easily bring others into the fold to campaign for his desired goals.
Adventures: Democrats are drawn to the adventuring life in order to better the world in some way, to help the downtrodden, the poor, the hungry, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. If there is an opportunity to help a group of people achieve freedom or equality in some way, there is likely to be a Democrat around, attempting to help. Very rarely do Democrats take part in military campaigns, as nonviolence is a highly prized characteristic in Democratic circles.
Characteristics: Anyone can be a Democrat. Even those you least expect.
Alignment: Any, though a Democrat will believe that he is Lawful Good, no matter what his actual alignment is. He will justify any action he takes as being for the greater good.
Religion: To be a Democrat, a character must be an atheist. Furthermore, and character with a level in Democrat cannot take a level in Paladin, Cleric, Wizard, Sorcerer, or any other class which deals with the arcane or divine, as Democrats believe only in the power of the proletariat. If a character with levels in a class which uses divine magic takes a level in Democrat, they must exchange all levels in their previous class for levels of Democrat.
Background: Democrats come from any number of backgrounds, from the poorest of the poor who desire to help people who came from similar circumstances, to the richest of the rich who wish to help the less fortunate, to corrupt officials who wish to stay in power through manipulation of the masses. As stated earlier, anyone can be a democrat.
Races: Members of any race can be a democrat, but they are most often humans, as they are one of the youngest and least-experienced races.
Other classes: Democrats despise members of any class which deals with religion, and often believe that magic-users are simply very talented tricksters. They usually get on well with Druids and Rangers, as their affinity for nature gels well with the Democrat’s desire to preserve it. In general, the less violent a class’s role is, the better they will get along with the Democrat, especially at higher levels.
Role: From a player character’s point of view, a Democrat doesn’t really have a useful role to perform in a party setting. The Democrat specializes in charisma-based abilities, but no more so than a Bard or Sorcerer. From the Dungeon Master’s perspective, though, the presence of a Democrat can make a storyline much more interesting! Democrats can cause trouble for companions and enemies alike, and can solve problems in an incredibly original fashion…or create them!
Game Rule Information
Democrats have the following game statistics.
Abilities: Charisma is the most important statistic for a Democrat, as they gain power by convincing others to follow them and do their bidding. All others are secondary.
Hit die: d6
Class Skills: The Democrat’s class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Appraise (Int), Bluff (Cha), Concentration (Con), Decipher Script (Int), Diplomacy (Cha), Disguise (Cha), Gather Information (Cha), Hide (Dex), Knowledge (all skills, taken individually) (Int), Listen (Wis), Perform (Cha), Profession (Barrister) (Wis), Sense Motive (Wis), Speak Language (Rhetoric) (n/a), See Chapter 4: Skills in the D&D Player’s Handbook for skill descriptions.
Skill Points at First Level: (6+Cha modifier)x4
Skill Points at Each Additional Level: 6+Cha modifier
All of the following are class features of the Democrat.
Weapon and Armor Proficiency: A Democrat is proficient with all simple weapons and light armor that are completely biodegradable, as he does not wish to harm the environment. Any weapon or armor made of organic material (a club or studded leather, for example) must have been crafted from an already dead organism. If the Democrat is not completely sure that his gear falls into this category, he is required to roll 1d20 at the beginning of combat. If the roll is less than 11, he may not participate in combat while wielding the questionable gear.
The Democrat is constantly walking on eggshells to avoid insulting beings of other races. The Democrat adds a number equal to half their level, rounded up, to all charisma-based checks with beings of other races which have an alignment identical to the Democrat. If the being in question has an alignment that does not match the Democrat, the being will become annoyed by the Democrat’s pandering, and the bonus becomes negative.
Yes We Can!
Starting at level 3, the Democrat sees the light of hope and change. Deep down in the soul that he does not believe exists, the Democrat believes that he can accomplish anything, no matter what the obstacles are. The Democrat becomes constantly under the effects of Inspire Courage, as per the Bard ability.
Starting at level 5, the Democrat feels an urge to ensure that all members of his party receive equal shares of the loot and treasure that they procure, regardless of amount of work done. Until everyone in the party agrees to such an arrangement, the Democrat will forego all non-essential actions, constantly preaching and expounding the virtues of “unionizing the party”.
Spread the Wealth Around
Starting at level 7, the Democrat becomes angry at the fact that despite his best efforts, some people are better off than others. He will become angry at anyone who is wealthier than he is, and feels compelled to redistribute their wealth in any way he can, be it robbery, trickery, blackmail, or anything else he can think of. The Democrat will justify this action as being good, no matter what action he takes. The Democrat will take a -2 penalty to all saving throws as long as he is aware of a target wealthy individual.
Starting at level 9, the Democrat becomes aware how much better off he is than some people in the world, and begins to hate himself for being alive, healthy, and having luxuries, when there are so many others in the world who are starving and slaving under tyrants. When the Democrat finds any sort of treasure or loot, he has a very slight compulsion to use it to better the life of some unfortunate being. The Democrat must make a will save of 1, or donate his share of the loot and treasure to a being or group of beings that he deems underprivileged. If the Democrat makes the will save, he will keep all of his share of the loot, and insist that he will use it for noble purposes, even though he probably has no intention of doing so.
At 11th level, the Democrat becomes painfully aware of the intense and constant suffering that everyone else in the world feels, and is overwhelmed with guilt. Up to 3 times each day at the Dungeon Master’s command, the Democrat must make a will save to engage in action that could cause any sort of unhappiness or discomfort for anyone else, even in situations where inaction will have terrible consequences for the Democrat and his/her party of adventurers.
An Inconvenient Truth
Starting at level 13, the Democrat realizes that the ends justify the means (as far as his goals and actions are concerned) and will lie to anyone about anything as long as it advances their personal goals. If telling the truth would negatively impact the Democrat’s plans, he must lie. If the Democrat wishes to tell the truth in such a situation (who knows why), he must make a will save of 20 to do so.
Hell No, We Won’t Go!
Starting at 15th level, the Democrat discovers that violence is not only not always the answer, but never the answer. When faced with a combat situation, the Democrat must make a will save of 20 or be unable to take any combative action for the duration of the battle, and instead spends the entire fight lecturing all involved about the evils of fisticuffs. If he is somehow forced into combat, the Democrat takes a -10 to all his base attack bonuses.
Health Care Reform
At 17th level, the Democrat feels the urge to provide healing to all beings in the world, regardless of race, creed, nationality, or otherwise. When faced with an injured being or group of beings (such as a party or town) outside of combat, the Democrat must roll 1d6 on the following table:
|1||Intense sorrow: The Democrat becomes depressed and despondent for the rest of the day, and must make a will save determined by the Dungeon Master to engage in any activity other than eating, sleeping, and complaining loudly.|
|2||Obsessive goal: The Democrat becomes incensed with finding a solution for this particular being. For example, If the being is suffering from minor wounds, the Democrat’s top priority will be applying first aid to the being. If the being is suffering from a plague or illness, the Democrat will stop at nothing to find a cure. This obsession will last until the being(s) die(s), or the problem is solved. If the end result is death, see #6.|
|3 or 4||Apathy: “Maybe somebody should do something about that. Whatever.”|
|5||It’s their fault!: The Democrat will immediately wish to confront the leader of the region inhabited by the being, whether it be the king of a nation, the overlord of a dungeon, the chief of a village, the leader of a party, or otherwise. The Democrat must make a will save of 20, or burst into a tirade about how the leader doesn’t care about the people under their rule, and should either enact a way for all people to be healthy or step down from power. If combat results, the Democrat may ignore the effects of Hell No, We Won’t Go!|
|6||Indignant fury: The Democrat becomes enraged at the injustice of the situation, and flies into a rage over the fact that this poor creature does not have the resources to immediately bring itself to perfect health. For the rest of the day or until he is knocked unconscious or magically incapacitated in some way, the Democrat will attack anyone he sees, unable to calm himself due to the sheer horror over the shoddy state of health care in the world.|
A Legend in his Own Mind
At 20th level, the Democrat becomes aware that he is the greatest being that has ever existed in the entirety of the universe. If his base Charisma score is below an 18, it is raised to that number. The Democrat may attempt to recruit people to his cause. Any NPC with an intelligence of 8 or below is automatically convinced to change their way of life and goals to that of the Democrat, while NPC’s with an intelligence of 10 or higher must be convinced by a charisma-based check. The Democrat may convince mass numbers of people to join him at once, and anyone who can clearly hear him speak or who reads his written call to action may be instantly convinced to join him. They will be oblivious to any actions he takes which are in opposition to his public goals, and will go out of their way to justify anything he does, no matter how heinous. The Democrat may command his legions to do anything he wishes, and they will comply without question. Player characters must make a will save of 30 to avoid being recruited to the Democrat’s cause, though PCs that have traveled with the Democrat since level 1 (or, if the game starts with PCs at a higher level, since early in the adventure, at the DM’s discretion) are immune, as they can see right through his bullshit.
A Democrat who renounces the beliefs and practices of his class cannot progress in levels as a Democrat, and loses all Democrat abilities except Yes We Can!
Human Democrat Starting Package
Armor: None (speed 30 ft.)
Weapons: Quarterstaff (naturally harvested) (1d6/1d6, crit x2, 4 lb., two-handed, bludgeoning)
Skill Selection: Pick a number of skills equal to 6+Cha modifier, 4 ranks in each, from the list of class skills under the Game Rule Information subsection.
Gear: None. The Democrat believes that the wealthy should provide for him.
Gold: None. See above.