Neo-post-post-rock group To Hëll With The Dåmned! Said The Sætting Sün Over The Bättlefield Stårk! released its new eleven-disc album Monday to universal disapproval. Not one positive review has come from anyone anywhere, no matter how many drugs they were on at the time.
“THWTD! STSSOTBS!’s vocals are entirely produced using a Speak-n-Spell passed through a vocoder,” reports Nickie Roberts of Rolling Stone. “The percussion consists of sounds made by hitting a toaster with progressively larger objects, straying into fruit noises and, on the ninth disc, meat.”
“I appreciate the 38th track’s Deconstructionist attempt to categorically replicate every annoying sound encountered in our daily lives,” said freelance critic Daniel Swayze. “However, after the first 7 vignettes, finishing with a remarkably panoramic movement comprised of sixteen different Belches, I found myself less than willing to proceed onto Car Alarms, Dogs Barking, or the Dot Matrix Printer Noise when I knew that Someone Eating Pork Rinds was still ahead.”
The band, however, doesn’t have a problem with everyone hating their guts. “THWTD! STSSOTBS! isn’t a band most people can get into,” said ‘post-guitarist’ Mac Bronson. “We’re taking Indie Rock to its logical extreme: we’re not only prodücing music that no one has heard of, but that no one would want to hear.”
None of the musicians play instruments. Their stage show involves the self-described ‘post-drummer’ Matt Geofred throwing rotten eggs at the audience while the two ‘post-guitarists’ drag their fingernails down a blackboard in a repetitive manner, mic’d by the ‘post-keyboardist’ Cham Kellings, while their sound technician raps in a dull, monotone voice with no apparent will to live.
“We think it’s an eloquent statement of just how annoying life in the postmodern world can be,” said Kellings.
This article was originally published by readme, which is a thing.
